I see I'm posting less often. Not such a bad thing; I think I'm finding other means of expression. It's all roaring out of me at the moment in crying, talking, drawing, raging. And then I'll have a couple of days where it all shuts down again.
I've been experimenting with a TENS machine. This is a gizmo with electrodes which you attach to yourself. It delivers a very low voltage charge which you can adjust and vary to suit your own comfort levels. It's got two ways of working: blocking pain signals into the spine and elevating your natural endorphins. It either tingles or taps, or a combination of both. I find the tingling very pleasant but the tapping at higher levels can be a little disturbing because it causes muscle contractions. On one of the combination programmes you can get a kind of surge which can literally make you jump. I must say I'm pretty addicted to it. It makes me feel nice. I haven't had any big pain episodes to test it on, so I can't say much about pain, except my paracetamol use has diminished a lot since I've been using TENS. Which was the aim, which is good.
I've had the Creative for a Second journal with me these last two weeks. Do you want to see what I did? Do you? Oh, OK then, here it is:
Some of you have seen these already. I showed them to my counsellor and she pointed out the second one looks like a birth. It had meant to be more of a breaking out, but I see what she means. The shout looks more like an enormous inbreath.
Expect more art from me soon. This is the way forward.