Since it is the half term holidays we have had Little R staying with us for a few days. It's lovely to have him here but, from an energy point of view I find it very challenging. Today, his last day, I am completely pooped and having to hang onto furniture and banisters just to get around the house. I also have a monstrous headache which won't seem to shift. I'm very sad that I cannot join in in the way I would like to, or give AJ the practical support he needs. We all muddle through somehow though.
I used to be an Early Years teacher, a career that was cut short by lack of stamina which I now see as a manifestation of my CFS rather than a failure of motivation which is what I thought at the time. Having a small child around again has brought back memories both of my times working with kids and my own daughter's childhood. Happy days.
I'd like to write more about the problems we have with R's mother but it's not really appropriate here. I worry about what we are sending him back to, but I'm not that worried if you get what I mean, otherwise we would not be sending him back. I mention it because of the impact it has on my CFS recovery, and on my depression recovery come to that. Last week's upset followed by several days of having a small child in the house is actually more than I can cope with. I'm not back at square one quite - maybe square two or three.
I miss my own daughter this week. She's busy working two low paid jobs trying to make ends meet and only gets one day off a week. It's not really enough for a visit. I could do with some of her cynical sense of humour right now over a couple of sugar free caramel macchiatos in a nice cosy Starbucks. But instead I'm going to have a nice lie down and try not to go to sleep. Some hope.