Slowly I'm starting to resume my pre-depression activities. Last night I found my local Slimming World group and re-joined. My healthy eating had gone a bit adrift, so I'm glad to be back on the wagon again, but mostly I enjoy the (mostly female) banter at these meetings. This morning I have a monstrous headache and my back is killing me after an hour and a half sitting up straight. It was worth it though.
The old motivations are coming back. The big difference between CFS and depression is that with depression you don't want to do anything. With CFS you want to do it but are very limited. I've also noticed that I'm much more tolerant than I was a couple of weeks ago. I'm more able to accommodate the stresses - like the ongoing rantings of AJ's Ex, and his socks on the floor. I've a way to go yet but the trunks are thinning and I can see the edge of the woods.
Sorry to change the subject mid-post but I've been thinking about how important this online community is. Actually, not such a change of subject as I have been very aware of my isolation recently. By the very nature of our illness our real world support groups are not well atttended and are not vibrant. The virtual support is much more accessible to us. Even when I have been at a very low ebb I've have been able to stay in touch with the latest XMRV debates, explore the nature of acceptance, e-chat on Facebook, learn about Orthostatic Intolerance, treatments such as LDN, and the ravages of Lyme disease amongst other things. We share our victories and defeats, our kitchen sink miracles, our frustrations, our boredom and our wonder. The diversity and the creativity is amazing.
Recently Ms F posted a link to a piece of Bruce Campbell's book, ME CFS and Fibromyalgia about rebuilding life in the face of loss. This sentence caught my eye:
I told myself that, even though my life might not be the one I expected, it could still be a good life.
It was an 'aha' moment and would not have had the impact it did had I not been following the ideas about acceptance and resignation that Renee and others have been discussing recently. These spiritual nuggets are so valuable. They underpin everything else and I am so grateful for them.