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My Old Post to BlogNow: Mum wants to feel normal

Posted Sep 13 2008 4:03am

1 October 2006 - Mum wants to feel normal

Hey guys,

Mum has not been well. Yeah, I know what’s new hey? This week, she had lots of emotional distress and it made her condition even worse. She could not go to back yard for 10 minutes, she even could not have daily online chat with her friend Chezza,

Last Friday, Mum talked to M, the Social Worker from Blue Care. She had not heard from Centrelink for too long and was worried. M phoned back and advised that the DSP was just granted and she would find money in her bank soon. She would receive a letter from Centrelink explaining the detail of the pension. M would be away for two weeks and suggested Mum to ring Centrelink if she would not receive money next week. Mum was relieved and thought that everything would be OK now as M confirmed it with Centrelink. Mum decided to wait for the letter before announce it to her friends. Just to be safe.

Monday, she received another book of form to fill from Centrelink instead of the letter supposed to announcing the DSP application was granted.

Tuesday, her usual home assistant S was replaced by J from one of Blue Care agents. He was nice, but Mum could not stop feeling disappointed. Being J is a guy, she did not bother explain about shower. As she had done it before, she could survive a week without shower.

Tuesday night, her husband was in a bad mood and had to pick a fight with her. She can not take any emotional trauma and that is the reason why she is always carefully staying away from him. Every time it happens, her symptoms just got worse and took weeks to recover from the damage. Her repeated explanations of illness and being bed ridden do not mean anything to him. No matter how hard he tried, Mum could not give him answers he wanted to hear as Mum just could not tell lies. It only made him more aggressive. Mum was half crying and had to phone friend for emotional support as it was just too much. It made him even angry and he was shouting at her how horrible and nasty person she was, then, “MOVE OUT!!!!” So she told him to sell the house. She had no idea how to find new accommodation with two dogs and how to organise and manage everything. But one thing she knew was that she can not stay here anymore. She was sick of everything. And things are taking forever to get organised.

Wednesday, she tried to speak to B from Blue Care to find out if B could help Mum to find an accommodation. B was not in the office because she was sick.

Thursday, B was still sick. Mum received a letter from her bank responding to the letter M (social worker) had sent requesting to lower her credit card interest rate until she get her financial sorted out. Mum should have known better… The kind CBA cancelled the credit card immediately instead of lowering interest rate. Now she has to fill more forms for the bank, has to get doctor’s certificate and Centrelink’s pension letter (which she doesn’t have yet) and offer them repayment plan. She has to reorganise payment option for utilities. Her husband had already refused many times to use his credit card to utilise the payments. If she wasn’t sick, she could deal with these no problem. She used to be an efficient business woman… But with her condition, this rather seems impossible tasks. She now knows that she will receive the similar letter from another credit card company soon.

Friday afternoon, friendly face of S showed up at her bed side. At that moment, Mum just had to grab S’s hands and burst into tears. S made Mum a piece of toast with shaved ham and a nice cup of tea and then, listened all her struggles this week. She cleaned the shower and let Mum have it. Mum was too weak but she determined to have one. The toast and cuppa made by compassion also helped. It took her very long to finish the shower. After the shower, she could not get up from chair for another long time. Finally she opened the bath room door, and back to now cleaned bed room. She was really in a bad shape, but S knew that Mum did not want petty and said nothing.

S also phoned B and explained what had been happening to Mum during the week and they organised a few solution over the phone. B was having really bad flu (Mum was rather relieved to know it wasn’t anything very serious.) but would go to office on Monday. She will come to see Mum and help with Centrelink forms and other things. She would ring M and find out if there are any other help options. This made Mum feel much easier about the situation. S stayed with Mum for extra hour to sort out few things it cheered Mum a lot.

Following B’s suggestions, S made Mum a list of telephone numbers such as Women’s Domestic Violence Counselling, Domestic Violence Prevention Centre, Local Police Office and etc. Do not worry, Mum is not in danger of physical abuse. But apparently, she is in a domestic violence situation…

Today, a kind telephone counsellor told Mum that she could move into a shelter and people would help her with legal issues and find accommodation. Mum wanted to think carefully. She does not want to make the same mistake with credit card. This time the stakes are much serious than cancelled credit card. She can not live without Poppy and me. If there is any chance she might loose us, she would not do it.

At the moment, Mum decided to wait until discuss the situation with B. Now she is feeling that she over reacted on everything and made her illness worse as a result…

There were also good things happened during the week as well. Well, whatever the situation is, she got some money from Centrelink. J did grocery shopping for her and she had some decent food, multi vitamin and mineral tablets and TIM TAM (yay!) Her friend Kell (emptyangel) sent us surprise presents. (I am going to tell you about this in another blog when Mum gets well enough).

As always, her friends are sending her warm wishes and cheering her up. Chatting with her friends online and exchange messages gave her feelings as if her life is normal. Everybody has troubles in their lives and they are all struggling to hang in there.

There are times Mum gets so sick of everything and she only finds there are no way out from the situation. She can not even physically walk away from her problems. She does her best to stay positive. It was extra hard this week. As she always asks her friends to ‘hang in there’, she must show example by showing it.

Before I finish this blog today, I want to share some quotes from a little cute book called “Quotations for Someone Special”, which is one of the presents Kell sent her.

To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.

Mark Twain

The most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt within the heart.

Helen Keller

Thanks for stopping by



Post A Comment!

1 October 2006 - ((((Huggs)))) Rach

Posted by cc1804
and of course ((pats)) for Basil and Poppy.
You are doing it so tough but still you have the time to care for your friends - returning that care to you now.
Your safety is paramount - and DV can be emotional as well as physical - not an easy situation at all, I so hope things can be sorted out for you and your 2 precious babies.
The quotes are great :) Thank you so much for sharing them.
Take care of you - ((warm but gentle huggs))
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1 October 2006 - Hello my very special friends

Posted by cherylgraham2
Hello Basil, thanks for keeping us up to date with how your Mum is going, you are doing such a great job. Also making sure that Poppy keeps behaving himself.You are doing a very good job at trying to protect Mum from Daddy, I bet you wish you were a big dog sometimes and you could really show Daddy what you think of him when he is nasty to Mum.

You tell Mum that although we are far away we still are with her in spirit and we wish we could help her out even better than at the moment.

Okay love you Basil, Poppy and of course Mum.

P.S. Tell Daddy from Chezza that he being so cruel and heartless and there is a thing called Karma and his day will come.

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1 October 2006 - Good Job

Posted by emptyangel
Hey Basil
You are qa good puppy and are good for your mum, keep happy, give her the love you give everyday and things will work out… Give ya mum and extra sloppy kiss and tell her to keep reading out of that lil book, positive energy will follow.. and chezza is right Karma will get your dad one day,, you’ll see.. Now go tell ya mum you and poppy love her,.. and keep up the good work…
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2 October 2006 - Group (((hugs)))

Posted by rrmakepeace
Cath, Cheryl and Kell
Thank you for your kind wishes and hugs and pats.
I know that I will be OK one day. Sometimes, I just can not stop feeling miserable… but it is only for a short time. Your kindness, warm wishes and (((hugs))) always make me smile (I know it looks scary if someone sees me smiling at laptop screen… anyway.. :-D) and push my spirit to the place it should be… “positive”
Without you guys and other friends from Whitepage, I just could not do it…
Lots of love
Rachel, Poppy and Basil
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2 October 2006 - Oh no!

Posted by GirlBlue
That’s really not good at all. I have to rush off now, but I will write to you.
Domestic violence is something that I have not tolleration for, be it physical or emotional.
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6 October 2006 - Inspirational

Posted by Worker
Basil, I have read your writing about your Mum for awhile now and it has had a profound effect on myself, you see what I get from your writings is that your Mum is going through the worst of all possible situations all at once and is still able to see good around her which to me makes your mum a truely amazing person who gives the rest of us a little perspective on what we think is tough. I found this quote on the internet and would love if you could pass it on to your Mum for me.People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved.

I can see you and your Mum are due to have wonderful things happen.Stay strong

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7 October 2006 - Thank you GirlBlue and Worker

Posted by rrmakepeace
Thank you B for your kind thoughts and advice here and by email.. Mum appreciated it very much.Thank you Worker for encouragements and nice quote. The quote is already in Mum’s quotes collection. She loved it.

Beautiful people like you guys makes Mum stronger and smile. Thank you. :-) Basil

Filed under: Basil, Blue Care, Centrelink, Chronic Illness, Disability, Domestic Violence, Hope, Inspiration, Invisible Disability, Kindness, Life, ME/CFS, Pets

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