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Intellectual Discussions

Posted Jan 11 2010 4:36pm

When I walked in to the clinic, a patient just walked out from Dr TL’s office. There were a few patients waiting. Somehow the clinic was much brighter than usual as if they had extra lights on.

Three doctors were on duty. Dr TL, Dr AZ, and older doctor who comes occasionally. And there was a new receptionist at the counter by herself.

Someone had mentioned the older doctor is the owner (majority shareholder) of the clinic, but I’m not sure. He looks grumpy and unhappy. I don’t like the way he looks at me. He sizes me up with his cold eyes. He doesn’t smile or nod when our eyes meet each other. I’m sure he is wondering what is wrong with this woman. I look completely healthy and fit. There was no patient waiting for him.

Dr TL looked very well and relaxed. We greeted in Japanese as usual. It seemed he planned that today’s meeting would be the talking session, my favourite.

He started with world’s extreme weathers. Then, he checked my blood pressure, pulse, oxygen saturation. Our talk was already interesting.

I forgot how we stumbled on this subject, but  he quickly mentioned the gossip that the woman changed Tiger Woods. I haven’t heard of that. But I thought that was possible. We didn’t get into the discussion about it.

I wondered how she changed him.

I remembered my ex often accused me that I was trying to change him. For the record, I wasn’t. He was just making me feel guilty so that he could do anything he wanted. If I have to change a man, that relationship has no chance of surviving from the beginning. I accepted him as who he was. He changed for worse. It was his decision.

Some men want to become a better person for his beloved one. It would be a great honour if someone says that to me. This is a slightly different change. If a man wants to be a better man, he is capable of becoming a better person with or without me.

Did she change him for better or worse? I don’t know Tiger Woods, maybe a little bit of his image created by media. I don’t know his life. I don’t know his marriage. Only he can tell how he changed.

I pondered on the possibility that he is going through the life lesson that he should have gone through while he was growing up. Since his childhood was all about golf, he probably didn’t have a chance to learn life lessons through interacting with his friends and with different experiences. Since he had everything he needed and he was a good golfer, he may have missed opportunities to learn from disappointments.

We moved on and talked about variety of issues.

Parenting… I feel strange that I actually have parenting opinions despite having no children of my own. Opinion without experiences is not convincing. I just talk about my ideal parenting attitude or style. Since children aren’t conveniently programmed to behave for my favour, I really don’t know what kind of parent I would become if I had the opportunity. Also, life is unpredictable and I don’t know how I could cope when things go against my schedule and circumstances.

Absence of critical thinking in people… Contributing factors could be TV, environment, attitude, change in virtue, lack of role model, and loss of moral/ethical standard. And there are people who just don’t have the capacity.

We touched on Generation Y.

We both agreed that healthcare shouldn’t be the business for profit. It is the reason why Dr TL work as bulk billing doctor. I remember very well that being a doctor is his calling.

Sociopath… He quoted a psychiatrist (sorry I cannot remember his name) that sociopath is someone who take conscious action that would cause damage to other people and does not feel/understand the pain in the victim. He gave me an example of a person who holds high authority in healthcare industry and what she did. I thought about the notorious psychiatrist in the UK who is involved in ME/CFS.

He recommended a video that portraits corporate sociopath. He asked if I go to video store. My answer was no… (It’s because I cannot.)

Politicians and bureaucrats…

Good role model and bad role model… Good role model is someone who shows how to do the right thing by his/her own action. Celebrity behaving badly are bad role model. While we were talking about this, I had my role model right in front of me.

There is hope because there are still some conscious people trying to do the right thing. We think alike.

Dr TL has already earned my trust and respect from his attitude and actions. When I have these thoughts triggering discussions with him, the trust and the respect get stronger.

He listened to my chest. It was good. He asked about exercises. I had been working on it everyday for a while. But I had two days break so far, due to the bad flare up. I couldn’t get out from the bed for two days and I was still feeling weak.

When we tried the PFM, he gave me the target and advice. First two try were good, yet he wanted to see the better result. He explained how I should blow the air; short and fast. I responded with “Yes, Master” I tried to follow his instruction. I was slightly nervous because his method requires muscle power. It resulted with a satisfactory record, although it didn’t reach the target. He was still very happy.

He gave me anti-inflammatory medicine to try. As he was getting the sample for me, I asked what it supposed to do. He said it might help with flare up. Although the worst is over, I’m still struggling. The possibility of having something for the flare up delighted me.

Despite I often hear about “inflammation” with ME/CFS, I never thought what it does to my body. Somewhere in my mind, I thought I am not suffering from inflammation because I don’t see it. When I read about it, it made some sense why it could be one of the culprits of my flare ups.

It makes it mentally easier if I have something to try. During the bad flare up, I lay in bed in a darkened room. I’m a zombie with heavy and pressing fatigue, transient paralysis, weakness, pains, dyspnoea, discomfort, some unusual or different symptoms, and all the awful feelings. I often don’t eat from loss of appetite, or too weak to prepare, or I sense I don’t have enough energy for digestion. I need to conserve energy for recovery or survival. So far, there was nothing to get me out of this. All I can do is to wait, wait, wait and wait until this will eventually go away.

I don’t expect the anti-inflammatory medicine would completely make me well. But any small help makes a big difference in my condition.

With excitement, I said I would take the medicine now. I meant now as “as soon as I get home” But he liked the idea. I didn’t want to trouble him, but he insisted giving me some water. He got the water in a nice cup instead of disposable plastic cup.

As usual, it warms my heart when my doctor attempts to ease my suffering whatever he could. I was a happy and lucky soul when I said “Sayonara” and “Arigato” to Dr TL’s kind smile.

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