I believe in God. I believe He is powerful, loving, and full of grace and compassion for everyone who calls on Him. I believe that He loves me, cares about me, and has a plan for my life. I know He hears all of my prayers. He has answered many of them, big or small. But sometimes I feel a like He's distant. I pray countless times to be healed. I ask for the ability to have patience and accept my situation. I know deep down that everything happens for a reason. I know that all things work out for the good for those who love Him. Yet... I struggle. Will I ever be healed? Will I ever be myself again? Will my dreams of having a children, getting my masters, and going back to teaching ever come true? Am I dreaming too big? If this is how I will be for the rest of my life, can I be okay with that?
Today when I sat down to have my meditation and devotion time, I felt like the devotional I was reading was written directly to me. Here is what it said, "Sometimes we face struggles in life, and we are tempted to think that God has forgotten us. We may even believe that God no longer loves us. But God's love for us is as expansive as the open arms of Christ on the cross. And the tender compassion of our heavenly Father is more dependable and more enduring than the love of a nursing mother for her infant. Be comforted--His love never fails." Bill Crowder (Isaiah 49:13-18)
Reading that filled me with peace. I don't know if I'll ever get better. However, I do know that God will never forget me. He has engraved me on the palm of His hands. He knows what's best for me and I need to trust in Him.