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Hurray, it's almost Friday!

Posted Jun 24 2010 9:27pm
I love Fridays. Especially Fridays that I take off from work. I switched to working part-time (20 hours) 4 months or so ago. And up until a few weeks ago, I could only work 4 hours a day for fear of not being able to get through the next day/week if I do more. Now, two things have gotten better! First, although I come home and still pass out for the rest of the day, I feel like I return to what I call my baseline level of crappiness a little faster. And now, if I swing it right and work 5 hrs average per day during the rest of the week, I get to take Friday off and rest for 3 days. The first part of my week is harder, but it's still quite lovely at the end. I'm not quite sure if my boss is happy with this arrangement, but I try not to think about it.  One less day I have to leave my bed is always nice. I swear I have such a love/hate relationship with my bed. When I used to work full-time and was grinding myself out of existence, it was my home base. I did everything there, even eat haha because it was too hard to sit up in a chair. Now I sometimes sit on the couch and even at a table! Granted I'm not working full-time anymore, but still! Oh those small victories :) It's funny how we really learn to appreciate the little things we can do. But anyway, I look forward to a weekend of lounging in my bed, it will be a nice reprieve.

Speaking of baseline levels of crappiness, I always try to establish patterns in how I'm feeling. So the way it works with me is that I feel like there's a glass ceiling on how good I can feel. No matter how much I rest or take it easy, I never feel better than, say, 3.5 on a scale of 1-10 (ten being best). And usually, because of work and life and whatnot, I hover somewhere around 2. But as long as I make sure I don't drop below 1.5 or 1 on the scale, I feel like I improve by .1 every month (so, right now I'm at 3.5, next month I'll be at 3.6, and so forth; I know, I'm a nerd). I mean, these are mostly example numbers of course, things are never quite as simple or predictable, sadly. So anyway, I feel like the glass ceiling goes up every month, even if by just the tiniest bit. But the strangest thing I think for me, is that when I'm fully rested and at my baseline level of unwell (3.5) I feel a different kind of unwell. I start to feel like my insides are congealing. So then I start to do stuff like very very basic stretching and I feel like that actually helps move my "glass ceiling" of wellness up even just the tiniest fraction of a bit. But if I try doing it before I am close to my baseline, it just makes it worse.  Or maybe I'm just crazy and this is some crazy scheme I made up for myself to feel like there's an element of reason and logic to all this insanity! Haha. Is it just me?

Anyway, ok, this is turning into something much too long and rambling. My point is that I really wonder how much better I could be doing if I wasn't working. It tires the heck out of me, but I think it helps contribute to a retaining some sanity. But maybe all that energy I use at work could be used for much better things...maybe if I stopped working and rested, I'd get better faster! I would be at my baseline more, and could do more things like stretching and whatnot. But if I didn't, well, then I'd be out of a job. Somehow I feel like in the end, the latter would be true. Don't know, don't know, though it would be nice to take a few months off and go to the beach every day instead of work ;)

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