I just got back from the doc's. My doctor is very much in demand and, even with a nine o'clock appointment, I was still waiting at quarter to ten. She takes time with her patients and listens to their every need. So I felt a bit guilty about the people going after me as I had a long list in my handbag. It was a list of all the things I hadn't been able to talk to her about since we moved here, because I was so taken up with all the emotional stuff that was going on.
I heard myself telling her that, although things were better, I didn't think I could face the next thirty odd years with my current level of mobility, and actually even facing the next five years with it was difficult. I hadn't realised how depressed I am about it. She hadn't realised I was so debilitated since she only gets to see me in the surgery. So, she's going to review my notes and give me a call. She asked me to leave my list with her!
I have less mobility and am less fit than the three women I know in their seventies and eighties and it's getting worse. My energy levels are better than they were. My new baseline seems to be holding but I'm up and down emotionally and more down when I'm tired, so I may be setting up a new push-crash pattern. The mobility part is not improving. There is no change in the distance I can walk and I have a new kind of burning back pain on one side which I also get in one heel. There's starting to be a divergence between how I feel in myself, and how I feel physically.
AJ and I had a quiet, child-free weekend. We spent one afternoon blackberrying in a local park and picked about 4lbs. Most of it is in the freezer now waiting for me to have the energy to make jam. It will have to wait until after my birthday party which is happening next weekend. I'm pretty excited about it and have decided that it does not have to be perfect, as long as there's food and drink and friends all shall be well.
So an exciting and busy week ahead. Sending out peace and healing to all of you.