This will be a short enough post. I'm very run down at the moment and all sorts of infections are queuing up inside me to have their time in the lime light. I turned 30 last week. I'm not the kind of person who gets freaked out by age. But I think after coming down with such a bang after a relatively good Christmas health wise and not really being able to enjoy my BIG 30, I'm feeling all mixed up. Once again I find myself riding a rainbow of emotions, or should I say - just about holding on. All of this has brought about a reflective mood.
As time goes by life appears to move on with ease without me. It's four and a half years now, and people are growing tired of my health complaints and need for emotional support. It's difficult for me to move past the raw emotions that this illness continues to trigger, and bombard.
Four and a half years doesn't change the fact that I am still fighting for my health, fighting for answers. If I'm honest, I'm still very much grieving after my old life and learning (trying to learn) how to dissolve deeply ingrained conditioning. This is VERY difficult when everyone/thing around me is still positively living off the mechanics of this conditioning.
Conflict between growth and stagnancy are forever orbiting me...
I am once again trying to find my ground.
I am learning the reality of impermanence on many levels now.