There is a road not far from my house that has the worst potholes in the world. I'm talking about jaw-breaking, brain-rattling caverns that shock me every time I drive over them. Even though I try to avoid them, they are impossible to miss. The funny thing is that the road is in a really nice area with beautiful trees and charming homes.
Okay, maybe I'm overstating the size of the potholes...a little.
To outsiders my life appears perfectly lovely. I have a supportive family, a great job, a cute cat, a home, and look healthy on the outside. The reality is that I've hit a giant pothole in my personal life, which has shaken me to the core.
My husband and I recently divorced.
We separated a few months ago, and the divorce was finalized last month. When I got married in 2005, the D-word was never an option for me. I believed I would spend the rest of my life with this man. I would get healthy, and then we would have children and grow old together.
We were supposed to grow old together.
Unfortunately, the odds were against us. From what I've read, the divorce rate for people with chronic illness is higher than that of healthy people. My husband also brought his own mental and physical issues to the marriage, which compounded our challenges.
Suffice it to say our marriage is over.
What makes the timing of the demise of our marriage so much more painful is that I'm the healthiest I've been in a very long time (I'll write about it in a future post), our careers were going well, and we were finally reaching a point where we didn't have to worry as much about our finances. The future was looking bright.
Unfortunately, the future I envisioned for myself is gone.
I'm now in the process of regrouping and dealing with my grief. I'm seeing a psychologist to sort through everything, my family has been amazingly supportive, and I'm taking care of myself. I think I've been doing quite well under the circumstances, though I'm not entirely sure how much is denial and how much is me actually handling things.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
My mom bought me a magnet that I keep prominently featured on my refrigerator so that I see it every day. It says
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. ~Anonymous
What's great about the road with the terrible potholes is that once I get through the really rough patch, there is a stretch of freshly repaired road. There are no potholes in that area, and it's a smooth drive for a while.
I'm looking forward to the next smooth part of my Road of Life. For now, however, I'm working on getting past this darn pothole.