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Getting Nowhere

Posted Oct 25 2012 6:36pm
I am feeling overwhelmed today about how much I need to do that isn't getting done.  This is pretty much a constant source of frustration for me, but some days are worse than others.  I've had a cold all week, plus my period, plus the usual CFS stuff, so it's been a triple whammy.  I suppose given all that, I should have lowered my expectations of myself, but that's another thing I struggle with!

Before CFS, I was such an energetic, productive, efficient person!  I took care of my family, cleaned the house, worked in the yard, played with my kids, exercised, and spent time every day writing and sending pitches to editors.  Now, most days, it seems I can barely manage the bare minimum of necessities.

I guess a big part of the problem is that neither my goals nor my to-do list really reflect my true abilities now (or lack thereof).  It is so hard to give up on dreams, and there are so many things I truly want to do, not to mention all the stuff I really have to do.  But my list just keeps growing, and it just feels more and more overwhelming.

And on weeks like this one, with so little energy to begin with, I just can't make any headway at all.  Just the basics of living - preparing meals, doing laundry, picking up kids, taking showers! - take up all of my energy (and sometimes more than I really had in the first place), leaving nothing left for the things I truly want to do.  And that doesn't even begin to include all the critical stuff that must be done, like school meetings, getting the kids to doctors' appointments, filing insurance claims, sorting out problems with insurance claims (a full-time job in itself!), ordering and filling medications and supplements each week, etc.

sigh....I know I have written on this topic plenty of times before here, but I was just feeling especially frustrated and overwhelmed tonight.  The ironic thing is that with so much time devoted to "rest," taking care of myself is actually one of the lowest priorities on my list which of course just leaves me with even less energy, in a vicious downward spiral.

I'm feeling too run-down to even think about it anymore.  I'm sure things will look better tomorrow.
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