I've continued to slip this week and have been going round and round in a funk of analysis trying to find the cause. I realised this morning that this was a pretty pointless exercise and actually I needed to take some action. So I've called my counsellor this morning and left a message. When we meet it will be my first private appointment with her and, therefore, will cost money. It will be worth it.
There are some 'ordinary' life things hanging around which would make anyone feel anxious, but for a CFSer add up to a bit of a nightmare. I'm off 'dahn souff' next week to visit friends and family. I'm going on the train so I can attend a party at the weekend. AJ and Little R are taking the car and I'll join them at his parents' at the beginning of the week. Deep joy. It'll be six months of socialising crammed into a week. Frankly, I'd rather not go. It will take me a couple of days to recover from the train journey, but there will be no recovery time or place. I will push through and rest where I can. I'm taking the precaution of buying a return ticket so I will be able to bale out if I need to. If I don't go I miss out on some important family stuff and I won't get to see my daughter.
One other ordinary life thing on the horizon is my fiftieth birthday at the beginning of September. On one hand, fifty is an arbitary number. On the other, it is a bit of a milestone. It's half a century for God's sake!
Aha! This is a postscript. I posted and read it, and realised I've got another anniversary coming up - six years since the onset of my CFS in two week's time. That'd do it! Thanks guys, I feel much better now.