When I woke up this morning I discovered the Earth had increased its gravatational pull by about ten percent. I know what it's about. AJ is away for a couple of days and I promised myself I'd 'do art' today. All I want to do is lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. 'Doing art' means getting in touch with feelings I'd rather not look at. Oh well, at least I've noticed it.
OK, I have a choice today. If painting's going to be too hard then I'll do something else instead and discuss my resistance to it in therapy tomorrow. Ah, instant reduction in Earth's gravatational pull. Either the laws of physics have changed or my body has a mind of its own. It's like that Little Britain sketch - computer says naaaaa - except it's - body says naaaaa.
I had a day of near normality yesterday. I've learned to navigate my local environs so driving to the local shops isn't fraught with wrong turns and other anxieties. I've finally managed to join the library. It's usually one of the first things I do after moving to a new place but I've been so ill it's been impossible till now. I got out a Doris Lessing novel, a book on local history and a crochet workbook. Reading is still rather a challenge, but at least the will is there now.
So I shall stop being so hard on myself and give myself the day off. If I want to stare at the ceiling all day, then that is what I shall do. Actually I've been staring out of the window for the last ten minutes. I have just officially declared a National Duvet Day.