Another year has passed, and reflection has been whispering
in my ear once more. Ambition is all perked up on my right shoulder, doing what it
always does: shooting perforating glances at its nemesis lying languidly upon
my left shoulder. The tug of war continues. Balance has abandoned them both,
leaving me to deal with the fallout. And I, the seasoned expert, channel some
acceptance, and wait impatiently for restoration of peace."Come on body! You
can do it! Lets take on the world together. My mind and my soul will show you
the way." It’s the same scenario, the same internal dialogue. The same
hopes. Not the same dreams though – bigger dreams: thirsty and ravishing. Watch
out world! I’ve been forced to sit still for way too long, and I’m restless.
I’ve had a few moments in the last few weeks when a giant
flashlight of reality has shone over me like a helicopter chasing a fugitive.
Life chasing me I like to think. And what does this giant light keep revealing?
Seven years have passed; flown by; flashed by, like a star. I just cannot
believe how quickly it has gone. I feel like I have achieved so little. Yet,
there has been so much that has gone on, so many experiences (the good, the bad
and the ugly); more like forty-nine years in seven! Yes, I am a dog people J
I guess the helicopter chasing me could be called a type of
mid-life crisis. Except this isn’t my mid-life. Or is it? Why do people always
say around forty or fifty is when someone may be having a mid-life crisis? If
nobody knows when his or her story ends, then how do you know what age you are
when it’s the middle?? For all I know my midway point could have been years
ago. If that is the case, and including the last stagnant seven years, then I
seriously need to get some work done.
Each time equilibrium is restored within my body I feel like
I’ve got some serious making up to do, usually due to the above kind of thinking. It always ends the same annoying way though. After forcing my body's nemesis and ambition
together––expecting them to be tight buddies who will run off into the sunset
together––they fall out big time, and I realize I should have allowed the relationship to flourish at a steady pace...
So what is it that seems to be so hard for me to get into my thick
skull? Patience! I don’t like it
for the very reason I explained today. There is way too much time ticking by
for me to be patient. F*&k patience! Acceptance maybe. But it can follow
behind my shadow somewhere.
Beep! Beep! Move out of the way illness! I’ve got things I
need to do, and a life to chase.
Happy New Year to all of you!!!! I hope you’re all ok…