Yesterday was exhausting. By the end of it I was almost too tired to eat, I mean physically lift the food to my mouth. I went to bed at stupid o'clock and listened to the radio. This morning I woke with a bad head and stiff neck and shoulders, always a sign of impending crashdom.
I had my psychological assessment in the afternoon and our new cleaner was due to start at the same time as the appointment. I needed cash to pay her and we had also run out of washing powder so I decided to do a quick trip to Tesco's in the morning and get petrol while I was at it. Armed with a short list and iPod set to New Age I handled the first part really well. No wobbly legs and no hitches. When I got back, the cleaner was waiting outside. She is also our neighbour's cleaner and they had gone on holiday. Someone got their wires crossed and didn't tell her. Anyway, I suggested she do a double stint for us instead. But that meant my planned quiet lunch and rest went up the Swanee.
I was very anxious about this appointment as it meant taking along my half-tamed dinosaur, trying to keep it tethered but, at the same time, explaining how destructive it could be off the lead. I had it in my mind I was interviewing the psychologist to see if I could work with her. At one glance I knew I wouldn't be able to. She was just too young. Nice enough, and obviously good at her job but didn't have the life experience. Between us we agreed that counselling was a good plan for me and I would ask my current therapist to refer me for long-term counselling with a different team.
Not exactly square one, not quite a waste of time and energy, but near to it. After a day of dinosaur grappling I was dismayed to discover the house reeked of floor cleaner. AJ was almost as tired as I was after a first day back at work and the cumulative effect of several days' childcare. We talked a while and I cooked after a rest.
This morning he's got the bright idea that I shall accompany him on a trip round the NE to visit York, an Aunt near Newcastle and the Roman Wall. My response was to burst into tears.