It’s already another Monday, but I will finish off my Daring & Happy “last” Monday with this post.
The daring part was that I vacuumed my car between the visit from J and outing with him. I haven’t done this for ages. Since I have been so unwell for too long, I just had to do it while I had strength. I didn’t think about how I would be or if I would keep continue with the rest of my plans.
Sometimes, things have to be “Just Do It!”
I know pacing is important. But what can I do? If I stick with pacing all the time, I cannot get things done forever. I get things done, and pay the high price for it…
After the medical appointment, I did little bit of grocery shopping despite I was feeling energy was on its way out. It was half scary because I had no idea how I would get home if my complete energy runs out in the middle of the Supermarket… But I was getting rather desperate to stock up some food. My left hand was getting cramps and pain. My “Just Do It!” spirit was continuing, so I did it anyway. I’m happy to report that I survived the shopping, and then crashed when I got home.
As I expected, I had bad payback from the following day. Then, after couple of days, it turned into flu-virus-infection-like condition. I really don’t know where to draw a line between payback and flare up. I was just lying in the bed like zombie for the rest of the week. I couldn’t even respond when my neighbour J came to check on me… Good thing was that my body functioned for a short period of time during weird hours. I managed to continue with one set of push away exercise each day (?).
At the moment, I am frustrated and fed up with being sick for too long. I want to go out and do something. I had good time on Monday, but it was not enough. Rather having a glimpse of fun is making it even more frustrating. I don’t want to be consciously positive or hopeful at the moment. I’d rather be bitter and whinge and whinge and fall into depression.
However, I cannot ignore the positives and luck in my life. Things must be improving slowly. I know it in theory. But I want actions. I want to have explosion of fun!
I’m not depressed. I’m not greatly happy at the moment, either. I can still see positives and luck in my life. But I cannot stop feeling frustrated and fed up. So where am I now?