It's so windy this morning. The empty fireplace I'm sitting next to is 'wuthering' and all is slightly surreal as the sun is out but the trees are thrashing. I'm worried for my runner beans and the blue tit's nest opposite. They are about to fledge so I hope they decide to postpone for a day or two.
I've been so fed up this week and anxious about things I decided to take some action to distract myself. I threw caution to the wind and invited a couple of friends over for a meal last night, spent my Tesco vouchers which I was saving for Christmas and created a feast. We had:
Homemade hummus with pitta bread and olives
Local asparagus with melted butter and/or vinagraitte
Roast beef, new potatoes, roast veg, gravy and a damson confit which I invented myself
Raspberry trifle with a base of Amaretti biscuits and lashings of whipped cream
It took two days to cook and precisely two hours to eat. Nothing pleases me more than people appreciating my cooking. Little R was my 'waiter' for much of the evening and he was totally focussed on staying awake until the trifle appeared. We stayed up and talked. By the end of the evening I was on the floor and I'm totally crashed today, but it was SO worth it.
I've got a busy week ahead and fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, that week doesn't start until Wednesday, but then it's three days of bus trips. I'm going to have to ask for help, especially on Friday as I've another trip to the Citizen's Advice to go through my case for the tribunal. I get so anxious I can't think. Last week I nearly had a meltdown when I'd made huge efforts to get there and they told me the advisor had just called in sick. Luckily my friend put her hand on my knee at just the right moment to ground me. They found me another advisor, and then the guy turned up anyway - he was taking his wife to the hospital.
I was seeing them about my DLA claim which was succesfully renewed six months ago, but they want to 'look at again'. I have signed the declaration which states my needs have not changed and sent it off. The big question is why have they asked for that information? If it is as a result of the work capability assessment I had for ESA, then they are not allowed to pass information to DLA. They have in the past and been reprimanded for it. This coming week's appointment is to go through my Incapacity Benefit case.
The day before I'm off to speak to the User Involvement Team about starting a mental health service user group in my local area and also about a role as a User Consultant which could have some paid elements to it. That will be a long day.
Actually, as I'm writing this I'm realising I'm going to have to rearrange some appointments. There's no way I'm doing these things one day after the other. If I can shift the CAB appointment to the following week I won't risk being so debilitated with post-exertional malaise I can't take anything in (and therefore scupper my chances at the tribunal). Oh, hooray for common sense!
Sorry, bit of a ramble. Hope you are all doing ok, or if not, will be ok soon.