As you can see I pulled another one of my disappearing acts : ) But I'm back and once again motivated. I guess I have a bit of a consistency issue. I've talked about this before and it's something that frustrates the hell out of me. The issue at hand I suppose is trying to get things done in the small windows of opportunity that I have. I've also had quite bad tendonitis in my arm/hand which using the computer really doesn't help.
The last few weeks I have been looking at wedding dresses. I could pretend that it's all been such fun and excitement but I'd be lying. I've looked at it as more of a hurdle to get over than anything else if I'm honest. One of the biggest issues was trying to find a dress that covers all my scarring and rash on my back/shoulders. Every god dam wedding dress is low cut on back and front... All of this has used up all my windows of opportunity, and more, leaving me with little time to get other stuff done.
I did really enjoy some of it as I love clothes and fashion. I went twice with my sister which was nice as we don't spend a lot of quality time together. I went twice with my best friend which was great! One of those days was my birthday and I was feeling as good as I get at my best. We had a lovely breakfast in the city centre and then spent some time looking around. It really felt like old times. I used to love going into the city centre when I was well. I was on such a natural high from it all. It was the best day I've had in a long time!!! Who would have thought such simple pleasures could cause such happiness. The last day was with my Mom which was the day I bought my wedding dress!! So I'm over that hurdle now : )
There has been a big problem with my engagement ring... It is white gold. I noticed it seemed to be turning slightly gold on the palm side. This can happen with white gold, but it shouldn't happen after two months. The day I was in the city centre with my best friend I went to a couple of Jewellers to get other opinions before I went back to the place I got it from. When the jeweller looked at it under her magnifying glass she said "that's the least of your worries, there are two big cracks in it and it could snap at any time". Surprisingly enough I didn't freak out as I was having such a good time hanging out in the city centre that day. It has been back at the jewellers about three weeks now. I'm still waiting to find out what the goldsmith says. That day I went to two jewellers one of them was one of the top ones in Dublin. They basically said it's such a big job that they would never take it on... I really hope I don't end up having to get a different ring as I've grown quite attached to that one. We shall see... Here's hoping people.
Now back to the consistency thingy. The problem is that I'm only getting a few good days in a month. What happens is I do my week of treatment, that knocks the crap out of me and just around the time when I've climbed back out of the hole I have to do another treatment... In-out-up-down... Not knowing whether I'm coming or going. It's constant starting and stopping. Even in one day as a lot of you know. I don't get out very often. When I get the chance I do it as I just love to be out experiencing life. The problem is that going out for a couple of hours wrecks me and then I'm too wrecked to do anything else at home.
So, I've got two goals I want to achieve. Yoga and my writing course. I want to try and get back into some very light yoga each day. Some of you might remember I was doing a home study creative writing course. It's a small enough course and you get three years to complete it. I never would have thought at the beginning that I would actually need that long... This is the person who used to do not one but two college courses at once. One full time day course and one part time at night. You can see where my frustration and beating myself up comes from.
The yoga I feel will really benefit me if I can do it. I used to work out five times a week and do yoga. I was extremely toned. Now I don't think I have one muscle left in my body. My calves feel gross when I thought them as them are so soft and floppy. I'm also going to do sit ups. I used to do three hundred a day. The first few years of being sick my stomach remained quite toned, not so now. I've already started them on my pilates ball. Not three hundred mind you...
With the yoga I really want to work on my circulation. Trying to get lots of blood flowing to my brain and organs. I've already been back meditating a good while now. I used to do it religiously twice a day for years. For now I'm mostly only managing to do it once a day.
So that's it really. I'm feeling positive and motivated. At this precise moment in time anyway... Heheheeeee... In an hour I probably feel wrecked and unmotivated : ) Ah yes people, it's all about living in the moment, right?
One thing I definitely have to do is stop wasting a lot of my precious energy online... Yeah, you know what I'm talking about people...
That's all for now folks. In my next post I will do a symptom/treatment update.