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Breaking down....and building back up?

Posted Jun 06 2013 6:28pm
Ugh, I am SO incredibly frustrated right now! I feel like my body is falling apart. My back is not better from the whiplash; I can't sit up from laying down without pulling it, can't lift things, can't do anything repetitive or weight bearing with my arms/back essentially. I've been trying to eat more fruits, veggies, and nuts and in the process strained my jaw from chewing too many hard things. So now I officially have a temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorder and can't open my mouth very much, can't eat much, and can't talk for more than a minute without reaggravating it and lots of pain. My digestive system is apparently on the fritz since blood tests are indicating I'm not absorbing my vitamins and minerals properly (malabsorption?). And because of that I'm low on essential nutrients for proper function of well, everything. But currently it's manifesting as lots of tendon pain in my legs that won't go away! Oh, yeah, and then there's my interstitial cystitis which leads to my painful bladder. All of that on top of the usual fatigue and muscle pain. Joy.

The thing is, I can deal with it. I've dealt with it all in stride and everyone with CFS and Lyme and whatever has about a billion things wrong with them. The really frustrating part is that it's preventing me from doing what has been helping me inch towards feeling better these last 3 months. I've FINALLY found a path for myself that I can see potentially leading to full recovery (more on that later) and my body is just failing me and not allowing me to go down that path because I have to rest and fix all these injuries before I proceed. I'm just about ready to rip my hair out! I guess things just can't be that simple.

So, I have to take a deep breathe. Be OK with taking it easy in the moment. A few+ months off won't make a big difference in the big picture, right? Especially relative to the 5 years that's already passed. Sigh. Sometimes I like to think of it as my body having to break all the old dysfunctional parts down to build up the new and better. Too bad that's not what's actually happening, but it makes me feel better :) At least I'll have energy/time to be on the computer now and take online classes...and can re-aggravate my carpal tunnel while I'm at it ;)

Hope everyone's doing well out there in blog land!
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