On top of the struggle with low energy level, heavy fatigue started settling in since Thursday after another bad energy crash. In my opinion, the fatigue indicates that my body is struggling to maintain daily essential functions. Occurrence of dyspnoea, tight chest, hands and feet cramps and them locked into weird position with pain (tetany?), IBS, itchy skin, muscle pain, muscle twitches, palpitating ear, and other minor symptoms were also increasing. Not to mention that my muscle still lose its strength quickly and get fatigued rapidly.
After the Thursday crash, I decided not to take Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN) anymore. I never missed taking it until Thursday’s crash. It is clear that it wasn’t helping my condition. Those people who get benefit from LDN, they see the effect straight away. It is more likely that I will not see any difference. While my body is in struggle, I felt it would be better if I remove extra chemical from digesting in order to preserve a bit of energy.
I unreasonably put hope of seeing the cause of trouble to the blood test result… If I could see the cause, I could treat it or manage it.
Dr TL might have been in hurry on Saturday. He was having another busy day. He was about an hour behind.
He gave me updates on his son. He knows I enjoy hearing about the little one. I commented that the little one is a very lucky boy to have such a loving and caring father. According to Dr TL, he is a lucky father to have him. His fatherly love melts me all the time…
He confirmed that my lungs were sounding tight. In a way, it was a relief to hear that it wasn’t all in my mind. He assured that he trusts my feelings about my body.
PFM wasn’t good, although Dr TL cheers me that it is getting better. We fooled around with fake Japanese accent. He wanted to see post ventoline performance as well. But, there were no difference. I guess it is still okay than having a worse post ventoline PFM. Weather is getting better, so my asthma should be gone by now… Since my lungs were not responding to asthma medication, it could be more like something to do with ME/CFS than asthma. Who knows?
He told me my blood test results were very good. I have blood of 20 year old… It is a good news and was a compliment. I couldn’t hide the disappointment that there is nothing I can do to get out from the struggle.
He sensed my disappointment and tried to cheer me up. With my condition, nothing really shows up on medical tests as we both know. My struggle is not something new. I had been in this struggle on and off. (Yet, I can never get used to it…) So, I really need to learn how to live around the condition, like water flows around rocks.
I know it very well in theory. I just get sick of trying and hoping for nothing… I was feeling anger at ME/CFS. He reminded that I look better and doing better than two years ago. That is true. I must be selfish to want to get well RIGHT NOW, where the prognosis indicates I will never get better…
I was not angry at him at all. It was just my frustration becoming out of control. The fact that I cannot blame anybody for my illness doesn’t help, either. I’m grateful for his support and care. I wouldn’t be doing okay if I didn’t have him. I will never take it granted for his positive impact on my life. When I’m depressed, it is impossible to get excited or inspired. But his support and care are keeping me hanging in there and stopping me from getting into further depression. When I’m not depressed, his support and care make me feel I’m on top of the world. He is my effective antidepressant.
I’m afraid that my attitude/mood made him frustrated as well…
“Come back on Wednesday. At least, it will get you out from your house.” He smiled weakly.
Posted in Depression, Doctors, ME/CFS Tagged: LDN
On top of the struggle with low energy level, heavy fatigue started settling in since Thursday after another bad energy crash. In my opinion, the fatigue indicates that my body is struggling to maintain daily essential functions. Occurrence of dyspnoea, tight chest, hands and feet cramps and them locked into weird position with pain (tetany?), IBS, itchy skin, muscle pain, muscle twitches, palpitating ear, and other minor symptoms were also increasing. Not to mention that my muscle still lose its strength quickly and get fatigued rapidly.
After the Thursday crash, I decided not to take Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN) anymore. I never missed taking it until Thursday’s crash. It is clear that it wasn’t helping my condition. Those people who get benefit from LDN, they see the effect straight away. It is more likely that I will not see any difference. While my body is in struggle, I felt it would be better if I remove extra chemical from digesting in order to preserve a bit of energy.
I unreasonably put hope of seeing the cause of trouble to the blood test result… If I could see the cause, I could treat it or manage it.
Dr TL might have been in hurry on Saturday. He was having another busy day. He was about an hour behind.
He gave me updates on his son. He knows I enjoy hearing about the little one. I commented that the little one is a very lucky boy to have such a loving and caring father. According to Dr TL, he is a lucky father to have him. His fatherly love melts me all the time…
He confirmed that my lungs were sounding tight. In a way, it was a relief to hear that it wasn’t all in my mind. He assured that he trusts my feelings about my body.
PFM wasn’t good, although Dr TL cheers me that it is getting better. We fooled around with fake Japanese accent. He wanted to see post ventoline performance as well. But, there were no difference. I guess it is still okay than having a worse post ventoline PFM. Weather is getting better, so my asthma should be gone by now… Since my lungs were not responding to asthma medication, it could be more like something to do with ME/CFS than asthma. Who knows?
He told me my blood test results were very good. I have blood of 20 year old… It is a good news and was a compliment. I couldn’t hide the disappointment that there is nothing I can do to get out from the struggle.
He sensed my disappointment and tried to cheer me up. With my condition, nothing really shows up on medical tests as we both know. My struggle is not something new. I had been in this struggle on and off. (Yet, I can never get used to it…) So, I really need to learn how to live around the condition, like water flows around rocks.
I know it very well in theory. I just get sick of trying and hoping for nothing… I was feeling anger at ME/CFS. He reminded that I look better and doing better than two years ago. That is true. I must be selfish to want to get well RIGHT NOW, where the prognosis indicates I will never get better…
I was not angry at him at all. It was just my frustration becoming out of control. The fact that I cannot blame anybody for my illness doesn’t help, either. I’m grateful for his support and care. I wouldn’t be doing okay if I didn’t have him. I will never take it granted for his positive impact on my life. When I’m depressed, it is impossible to get excited or inspired. But his support and care are keeping me hanging in there and stopping me from getting into further depression. When I’m not depressed, his support and care make me feel I’m on top of the world. He is my effective antidepressant.
I’m afraid that my attitude/mood made him frustrated as well…
“Come back on Wednesday. At least, it will get you out from your house.” He smiled weakly.
Posted in Depression, Doctors, ME/CFS Tagged: LDN