I'm finally back at work. Actually, I've been back since the beginning of this month, but I just haven't had the mental strength to write a post.
The last few months have been some of the most physically exhausting and emotionally draining months I've had in a long time:
Lumbar puncture. Spinal fluid leak. Blood patch. Severe exacerbation of my CFIDS. Nonstop fevers. Nausea. Out of work on disability. Increased frequency and intensity of headaches. Chronic migraines. Insomnia. Memory problems. Epilepsy diagnosis. Out of work even longer. New medications for epilepsy. Side effects. Vulvar vestibulitis diagnosis (female problems). Medical expenses. Etc., etc., etc.
Because everything happened in such a short period of time, I started to feel sorry for myself. I just couldn't get a break! Then after the earthquake in Haiti happened, I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself because I thought I should be grateful that I had food, water, and shelter. Instead, I felt even worse because I was feeling terrible for myself and the people of Haiti. I was having a pity party.
On the upside, I'm starting to feel better.
Physically, I've improved quite a bit since the lumbar puncture in November. My CFIDS seems to be almost back to its previous state. Of course, I'd rather it be gone altogether, but I'm glad I can function again. I'm also sleeping better, and my memory has improved. I wonder how much of my memory improvement has to do with sleeping better and how much has to do with the epilepsy medications.
I'm doing better psychologically, too. I've had some time to process all that's happened and adjust to my new normal. The improvement in my health and improved sleep have undoubtedly helped my mood. I'm physically weaker than I was before, and I'm still dealing with some unpleasant side effects from my new meds, but being back at work among people I like has done wonders for my mood. It's also given me back a sense of normalcy.
This post has taken a lot out of me, so that's all for now.