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Angry and Frustrated

Posted Apr 28 2013 12:00am
If you're a regular reader, you'll know that I'm a generally positive, happy person. I know this might come as a shock to some, but I'm still human! I have my share of pity party days and days when I'm angry or frustrated. Well, today is one of those days.

I've been dealing with chronic illness for my entire adult life, and I'm frustrated that so many in the medical community (and definitely the general public) are ignorant when it comes to dealing with "invisible" illnesses. Ask random people on the street what they know about ME/CFS, and you'll probably get blank looks or misinformed answers. I get even more frustrated when I hear from fellow patients whose stories of dismissive doctors echo my own.

I'm angry that I don't know what it's like to be a normal, healthy adult. I'm upset that I've spent over a dozen years and thousands of dollars searching for answers and relief only to be left with little to no relief, a lot less money, and even more questions.

I know I'm lucky that I've found a few awesome doctors who have become allies in my search for answers, but I've also had so many awful experiences with idiot doctors and nurses who think they know everything when in actuality they know very little. (One idiot doctor in particular almost cost me my life due to a misdiagnosis and ignorance of a particular medication's possible side effects.) I'm even annoyed that I feel "lucky" to have found good doctors. Shouldn't all doctors that we go to be good ones?

I feel hurt and frustrated when well-meaning friends and family tell me that, well, at least what I have isn't "more serious"/"fatal"/[insert something dismissive here]. "At least it's not [insert a more well-known illness here]" is equally dismissive and ignorant. What they're really doing is minimizing the impact my health has had on every single day of my entire adult life.

I'm also angry that very little progress has been made in terms of what we know about ME/CFS and other less common chronic illnesses. I started blogging in 2009 and had great hope that things would change for the better. Now it's 2013, and I have seen very little change.

When I started blogging, the iPad had not yet been released and people were still really excited about the iPhone 3G. Since then, the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th generation iPad models and iPhone 3GS, 4, 4S, and 5 have all been released and are old news. If we have phones that understand us when we speak and can act as personal assistants and speak back to us, why have we not made any real progress when it comes to ME/CFS and other chronic illness?

I still have hope that I will find answers to whatever is wrong with me. I'm not going to stop until I do.
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