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You Take the Good you take the Bad.

Posted Aug 27 2009 11:26pm

Ava has been so good today. She has eaten a little bit. She gets so impatient here and bored. Her temp has stayed under 100 all day today.We got to the hospital at about 7:30 last night. Blood cultures were taken. One from her central line and one from her arm. She HATES getting stuck with a passion. They started Vancomycin and Zocen (two of the antibiotic Big guns) at about 12:30 this morning. Her eyes still look sick. She was active today but not like normal. She feels stuck. She pulled the IV cart all over the room this morning.

The cultures so far have come back negative for anything. So this could mean several things. One that it is viral and nothing to do with her line. Or maybe it is her line but it has not come to the surface so to speak. Either way we are already here at the hospital and her line was scheduled to be removed next month so tomorrow she will have it removed. She is eating well and there is really no vital need for the line. It is a risk I was willing to take for many months but now I am at peace with letting it go. It took a lot for my mind to come to a decision. To a lot of people it was the only answer but with Ava I have to look at all aspects of her well being before making a decision. It is not an easy one. I think of all the sicknesses out there right now. Can she overcome a flu on her own? Will she be okay mentally to spend more time in the hospital if need be? I have no answers. We shall see.

I have learned by this very rocky road that none of us are ever in control of the circumstance. We may think we are but ultimately God knows what is to come. It is a choice we must make to give up the earthly control and hand God all the broken pieces and say, “Here you are God I can’t fix this and I give it to you…do not my will by Yours.” My friends if you have ever done this in your life and truly meant it, I suspect there may be tears in your eyes right now. Oh is it ever hard to do. To give it to Jesus. But I am telling you know He cares and He will bless you for it. Ava is one amazing little girl.

The last week many things have brought my mind back to her sickness. I normally try to avoid thinking about it. I have made the best of things that have come about. My sister is mentally not well right now.She was being hospitalized in our town. The song that we wrote together last year about CDH was life changing for her and I. I decided to take a card out to her at the hospital. As I pulled up my eyes focused on ONE thing. The helicopter that life flighted Ava to Iowa City that 4th day of October, nearly one year ago. Instead of shadowing away from it as I really felt like doing. I asked God to give me peace about it. Ava and I walked over and I set her down. Right then and there I thanked God for sparing her life. I asked Him for continued healing and to help me with this “anniversary” of everything. First her birth and all it’s complications and then her reherniation and many problems. Guys I took these amazing pictures….turned away and with tears in my eyes asked Him to give me strength in the days ahead…huh funny, ironic, whatever you call it. It was God’s way of letting me know there may be more but I need to follow Him because He knows the outcome. I truly believe without a doubt Ava has a very meaningful plan for her life. Something big is going to come out of all of her struggles. She is a survivor and such a fighter that loves life!

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I will never forget looking up that very dark night watching that helicopter take my baby away and wonder if she would be okay. Knowing I did all I could do….

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Then having her spike this fever brought me back… having to come back to the place we nearly lost her. As I pulled up I just had an overly load of sadness creep over me. Will she ever be well again? Will we ever stop worrying? Again I have to place this worry on Him and ask for help. Her birthday is always tough for me. Her birth was not happy but very frightening and sad. It nearly took my breath away to see her little body laying there hooked to every machine possible to save her tiny life.

As I drove here a wonderful song popped into my head. “Count your many Blessings.” We have SO much to be grateful for these days. Ava will get through this and if all goes well she will be discharged tomorrow. Surgery is scheduled for 9:30 am. My heart breaks each and every time we walk the long, very cold hall to the operating room. Her arms squeeze my neck tightly as she is very aware of what is about to happen. I am thankful that they allow me to take her back and place her on the table. I stay with her until she is sedated. Her eyes close and her body becomes very heavy. My child is no longer in my arms but in God’s…..

Please Pray for all of us. It is a fairly easy and quick procedure but we know Ava. She likes everyone to leave with a little extra  knowledge under their belts! Ava gets very “knowing” and she gets quite scared. The girls are worried and Brian is anxious. I will not lie I will be glad when she is back in my arms safe and secure! Thanks for your love, support and prayers. God hears us all!

~Terri

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