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Would you, wouldn't you ~ A response

Posted Apr 09 2009 7:13pm
Okay, so I feel as though I should respond to my post from yesterday. I realize, upon re-reading, that my mind dump didn't exactly relay what I wanted to say on a few subjects.

On the issue of it being a "contest". I should have prefaced that by saying 1. this feeling has nothing to do with any of the recent blog posts on this subject. It's more historic than that. So, if you wrote a post saying that you "wouldn't change", my comment was not directed at you! And 2. My feeling of it being a contest has way more to do with my own insecurities, phobias and, in general, filter than it has to do with the words or intentions of anyone else. Meaning, it's my own b.s. I reognize that. I'm dealing with it.

I feel that I am extremely lucky to be in the Ds family. As Wendy said, we are helping each other learn "what to expect". And I think that's great. The flip side of that is that I feel like I run into stereotyping of Stella's abilities. To be more clear, I feel like the expectations of and for Stella are too low (i.e. we don't expect her to crawl until she's 12 mos. because that's what we've seen other kids with Ds do). She's constantly proven that she'll rise to the level of our expectations. My tendency is to let Stella be my guide. That's what I did with Audrey. Why would I do differently with Stella? I'll provide her with the assistance that she needs, up front, to acquire skills. I recognize that she needs this assistance. I recognize that she will work harder and longer to gain skills. However, I am not going to assume that she won't acquire something until such and such age just because she has Ds. It would be different if we had another kid with our genes and Ds. But we don't. And there isn't another one out there. So, there isn't a guide that is specific to Stella. I think part of this view came from being in the classroom. I hated it when other teachers would say, "Oh, you have so and so? They're {fill in the blank}." I don't see the purpose in having a negative preconceived notion of a kid or their abilities. I think it, at the very least, inhibits their ability to achieve and, at the worst, sets them up for failure.

I love that we have other families as a resource. I love that they are willing to answer our questions and provide us with guidance. Especially when we hit a road block. It's good to know that there are others out there who have hit that same roadblock and have a map around it. I'm just not going to assume what those road blocks will be and/or when we'll hit them.
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