Lisa wrote a post
here. And there have been several responses
here,
here and
here.
I emailed Lisa, but since then I've been mulling it over.
First and foremost, who came up with this question and why are we justifying it with an answer? If someone said to me, "Oh, Audrey is such a sweet, smart and pretty little girl, but don't you wish you could make her legs longer?", I'd tell them to go take a flying leap. So, why on
Earth are we responding to a question that addresses something
unchangeable in our child? Is it, in some way, supposed to show our level of acceptance? Or love? Or that Down syndrome is
okay? Because I just don't see how love and acceptance of our children and/or Down syndrome is
mutually exclusive with wanting to remove the challenges they will face. Like, I why can't I say that I love and accept them for who they are, but I want their life to be easy and difficulty free? It seems as though there,
really, is no correct response to this question. If you say, yes, I would take away the Ds, then you're not accepting of your child as a whole. If you say no, then that's saying that you wouldn't remove the challenges that they'd face, and what parent wants their child to have difficulties?
Secondly, I feel like this is, in some ways, a contest. Just like in other areas of parenting. "*I* am a better parent than you because I love their challenges, I love their struggles. You don't? What's wrong with you? You're not a good parent. If you were, you'd love like *I* do." I am so proud of Stella. I am proud of every little thing she's done and every little thing she will do. But I don't have to love that she has to struggle. Yes, her struggles have given me a different perspective, a new way of looking at things, but that doesn't mean I
want her to struggle.
Or is it that we're trying, as a community, to assert that Ds is
so not a big deal? You know, like, I'd never change one little thing about my kid, so that must mean that you people who are scared of/wouldn't want a child Ds with are silly. Just what,
exactly, are we trying to prove?
I emailed Lisa, but since then I've been mulling it over.
First and foremost, who came up with this question and why are we justifying it with an answer? If someone said to me, "Oh, Audrey is such a sweet, smart and pretty little girl, but don't you wish you could make her legs longer?", I'd tell them to go take a flying leap. So, why on Earth are we responding to a question that addresses something unchangeable in our child? Is it, in some way, supposed to show our level of acceptance? Or love? Or that Down syndrome is okay? Because I just don't see how love and acceptance of our children and/or Down syndrome is mutually exclusive with wanting to remove the challenges they will face. Like, I why can't I say that I love and accept them for who they are, but I want their life to be easy and difficulty free? It seems as though there, really, is no correct response to this question. If you say, yes, I would take away the Ds, then you're not accepting of your child as a whole. If you say no, then that's saying that you wouldn't remove the challenges that they'd face, and what parent wants their child to have difficulties?
Secondly, I feel like this is, in some ways, a contest. Just like in other areas of parenting. "*I* am a better parent than you because I love their challenges, I love their struggles. You don't? What's wrong with you? You're not a good parent. If you were, you'd love like *I* do." I am so proud of Stella. I am proud of every little thing she's done and every little thing she will do. But I don't have to love that she has to struggle. Yes, her struggles have given me a different perspective, a new way of looking at things, but that doesn't mean I want her to struggle.
Or is it that we're trying, as a community, to assert that Ds is so not a big deal? You know, like, I'd never change one little thing about my kid, so that must mean that you people who are scared of/wouldn't want a child Ds with are silly. Just what, exactly, are we trying to prove?