As familiar as I have become with ADD and ADHD over the past few years, I am starting to wonder if I have developed stress-induced ADD.
Yeah, I know, it isn’t a real diagnosis. But I feel like I fit the symptoms to a “T”. I even googled it, but I couldn’t find anything that fit other than my favorite word, “overwhelmed.”
Trouble concentrating and staying focused – Check!
Hyperfocus (Hannah’s medical issues) – Check!
Disorganization and forgetfulness – Heck yeah, big time check!
Impulsivity – Check! (But may be ‘pre-existing’ to be honest)
Emotional difficulties – Hmmmm, maybe.
I suck at organizing these days. I mean, I wasn’t great at it in the first place, but these days I feel completely lost and disorganized. I never really felt settled here in Vegas, even though it is coming up on a year, because as soon as I moved here we had Hannah’s severe medical issues and recovery from the moment the mediflight ambulance landed. We never unpacked this house completely nor made it a home. Very few pictures on any of the walls, things still in boxes, and very little sense of organization here.
I keep hoping that once we are in the new house and that I get to start over with a fresh, clean slate that I will be able to start getting the feeling of a better handle on my life and responsibilities because right now I feel completely lost. I have 500 things going on in my mind at a time, 100 projects or things I need to start working on, and 50 must-do things that I seem to keep forgetting to do.
I miss feeling productive. Sounds stupid, probably. But I don’t feel productive at all these days. I feel like I am always trying to catch up, cover, and just do enough to make it through to the next thing. I miss the feeling of having a ‘content’ life. You know, things in place, routine, and just a sense of organization in some aspects of my life.
I really, really hope that once we settle in the new house next month (we should hopefully close escrow this week), getting Hannah’s nursing situation finalized with a good team of nurses, and get pictures up on the walls again that I will finally be able to start focusing more on what I need to do.