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Remembering the past

Posted Oct 06 2009 9:01pm

Ava sleeping with her favorite blankie about a week ago. Rest my precious daughter!

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Hello to ALL of Ava’s followers. Miss Ava continues to amaze us. She seems to learn a new word everyday. A few days ago she finally started calling me “Mommy” and using it to get my attention. Yes she said “Mama” before but never knowing what she spoke. Tears fill my eyes for the first several days of hearing her. A normal 3 year old would already say this many many months ago. However Ava’s medical world has been compromised on so many levels, so many different times. Her tiny body has had to stop some phases in order to heal the most important parts of her. So to finally hear “Mommy” it is like the angels are singing their beautiful praises right directly to me! God has His ways of making me know that ALL is SO worth ever second of this miraculous ride called Ava’s life.

So the last few weeks have been really hard on me. One of my good friends put it this way….(I hope she doesn’t mind. She has been my rock through a lot of this.)

“Terri, part of the reason for the heavy heart right now is because during the past year all of your energy and focus was on Ava and her health. Now that she is doing so well and is becoming a "normal" 3 year old, you have let your guard down and the emotions come rushing in. It is now time to allow yourself some healing time. Cry and rejoice...they CAN be done at the same time....”

She is exactly right. Ava is doing well and I have let my guard down. I don’t look in her eyes and see the pain and fear. I see a happy little girl So full of life. I don’t look at her as though she is sick but very well. I still worry. I think I always will. I still check and recheck her vitals at night. I still look at her sleeping and wonder if she is playing happily with her sweet beautiful friends. However I get really emotional as I remember last year at this exact time. She became sick October 4th. That day was so horrible…and the days that followed got worse and worse. Our worst nightmare came true.

Here is a prayer I wrote in this blog on the 14th of October. I was so broken about all that was happening.

"Dear Heavenly Father I come to you today, thanking you for being here for our family. Thank you for leading Ava in the right direction. Your goodness and love is evident on her little precious swollen face. It is so hard to wait patiently but in your word we know that you are the creator and that you can heal the sick. Lord she needs you to continue to touch her and make her better. Please help Lexis and Emeline feel our love from the distance that separates us. We know from the first time our family had to be separated that the girls took a huge emotional hit. Their little hearts hurt for their baby sister too. I ask that you calm their spirits and help them to deal with this in the best way possible. I also ask that you help Ava's swelling go down so that they can come and see her on Saturday. I don't want them to have to see her so abnormal Lord. I am amazed at the strength that you have sent to me. I'm feeling so much calmness that I only attribute it to your love to me. I love you and thank you once again for dying on the cross and and helping me see that you and only you are my personal friend and Savior. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."

This was also an older post when Ava was at her worst. I have learned so much from all of this especially this life lesson.

“This is such a painful thing to go through. Life doesn't stand still. It continues on. If I can relay any message to all of you it would be to stop what you are doing right this very second and thank God for what he has given you. We take for granted our health. We take for granted our wonderful family and friends. We are so busy with our lives that we don't stop to give God the glory for making us special. I encourage you tonight to stop and pray. Thank Him for making you, YOU! We are His creation and how miraculous are we?”

This was Ava on October 6, 2008. A day after her Emergency Seven and a half hour surgery to fix her total bowel obstruction due to her gortex diaphragm patch that got digested.

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Ava can not look at herself like this. She will turn cry and run away. I too find these pictures so hard to see. The odd part was this was our normal. This is how we saw her day after day.

She has made so much progress and I am not trying to be a downer in anyway. I just need to work through all these emotions that I have hidden and held onto for so long. Do we know if this is the end of her problems? Absolutely not but are any of us certain of our futures? No we are not. Please pray for me and continue to hold Ava up in prayer.

She is just blossoming into this rare gem. She now weighs 29.5 pounds and is 39 inches tall! I am so excited about her growth. We are feeding her about 660-700 calories overnight. She gets it slowly over all the hours she is asleep and it seems never to affect her at all. She is an awesome sleeper. In fact for two nights in a row she slept over 12 hours!

Here are a few from the last few days. Ava has NINE scars just on her abdomen alone. This does not include scar of her arms and legs just her middle area. It saddens me to see her belly. I do know that each scar symbolizes God’s hands being laid on our courageous daughter and that is a beautiful feeling!

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“Oopsy!”

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She loves to ride her trike. ALSo loves to ride it inside the house too! Good thing we have wood floors!

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Ava also get speech therapy. She loves Sydney her teacher. Here they are playing “picnic”.  Ava can not get enough “picnic” play. She will take things out of the fridge and put them on the blanket and think it is TIME to PICNIC!

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Thanks for dropping by. We are so blessed by having three healthy girls. Life is great! Again hug those you love and whisper to them that you love them So dearly….they need you like you need them!

~Terri

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