Q and A of the week: Toddlers channeling John Belushi

Q. I have an intense, feisty 11 month old child - and she's going to give me a run for my money.  As my husband and I start seeing negative behaviors, I am wondering the very best way to start implementing discipline for this "young" toddler. Example: she throws her sippy cup on the floor after taking a sip almost every time.  Do I ignore it and leave it on the ground for a bit?  Tell her NO?  I am stumped.  She's also starting to flap her arms wildly when she doesn't like what's happening...sometimes I get swatted in this act! What's the best way to nip this in the bud?

A. Yes, 11 month olds are ready to live in a world where there are rules and limits set on what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. The word discipline literally means "to teach". It doesn't necessarily mean "to punish". That said, there are many ways to discipline a child. But realize, like anything that a child learns, takes some time and repetition.

      I am a big believer in discipline that involves the natural consequence for the action. It makes a whole lot more sense to a child that way. So, in the case of the sippy cup-as-a-shotput scenario...your child doesn't get to have a sippy cup if she is just going to throw it. Say, "if you can't hold your drink, I will hold it for you." Toddlers love being in control. So, if she really wants to be in charge of the cup, she has to be responsible enough not to throw it.

      As for the arm flinging behavior, steer clear!! If you know she is going to have a tantrum, just put her in a safe place where she won't get hurt and get out of her way. Say,"You are having a tantrum. That's not ok. Let me know when you are done." Then step away and ignore it. If you respond to her during one of these episodes you will have just given her the attention she wants--and she will do it again.

      Many parents think their discipline strategy isn't working because they've tried saying no, redirecting a child from the undesirable behavior, or have used time out a couple of times. Be patient. You are planting the seeds of discipline. Do not expect a tree to grow overnight. Your child may hurl the sippy cup about 20 times (and be disciplined for it every time) until the behavior stops. Be calm, consistent, and follow through.