Honestly, I went through hours upon hours of videos yesterday and went through thousands of pictures in the evening. Perhaps it was the cold that was making me a little sentimental or perhaps it was noticing Sloan's clothes looking a little shorter, Taigas dresses rising more above the knee, or Gage's legs a little longer.
I want to remember so much and take it all in and never forgot these crazy emotions I feel for the first time, or maybe the wonderful emotions I have felt for the hundred time. Overwhelmed with needing to somehow map it all out for them, so they can actually understand this need I feel compelled to show them, and tell them what they actually mean to me. My mind races and I start to get frantic because what if I forget that feeling, that surge that overcomes you when you are a mom and the whole entire world just seems so right for a fleeting moment because of something your children did or said. What if I don't have enough pictures or videos? What if my memory stops working as I age and I simply forget............I don't ever want to forget!
TAIGA
Taiga your beautiful kisses on my lips, wrists, legs, whenever you feel the need to show me your darling affection makes me take my mental picture.....Blink.....Stored.
Your hugs that are so tight in the morning when I get you of your crib and I actually feel you straining your little muscles to give me the biggest hug....Blink....Stored.
The way you copy your sister because she is your super hero and it is so apparent the admiration and love you have for her, I see it in your eyes, and when I see you watching her my heart is full....Blink....Stored.
The way you smile when you are asked to, is infectious.....Blink....Stored.
The way you do your limbo walk with your belly pushed out and shimmy around the house......Blink....Stored.
Your bond with your twin brother is beautiful to witness, and your nurturing capabilities at this young of an age is quite evident of what a great mother you will be.....Blink....Stored.
SLOAN
Sloan your sensitivity for other humans makes me happy because I believe this trait will take you far in life and you are so compassionate towards others.......Blink......Stored.
The way you snuggle me in the mornings and crawl into bed with me to tell me you love me, my heart gets so full with these times.....Blink....Stored.
Sloan the way you love your brother and sister and interact with them makes me feel so blessed that I can actually witness the love you have for each of them, there are times it is as though I can almost reach out and touch it.....Blink....Stored.
Sloan the way you like to make me laugh so you will tell the same joke over and over again, and we end up giggling until we can not stop.....Blink...Stored.
Sloan I love how you remember with great detail and it is so very apparent how our family history is so important to you. I love your story telling.....Blink....Stored.
Sloan when you draw your pictures at the table I love the look of concentration on your face and how it means so much to you for the picture to be a picasso.....Blink....Stored.
GAGE
Gage I love how you wrap your arms around my neck and squeeze, your hugs fill me up.....Blink....Stored
Gage I love when I ask you to say Mama and you breathe through your trach, if I listen close enough it is as though I can actually hear the word.....Blink.....Stored.
I love how you adore Sloan and watch her every move, she truly has been your inspiration and I believe you fought to live hardest for her. Your grin when she walks into a room still has not changed even when we came home from the hospital....Blink......Stored.
Your infectious smile I need not say more....Blink.....Stored.
Gage how you continue to be brave, stubborn, and try your hardest each day, my miracle.....Blink....Stored.
The bond you have with Taiga is so very beautiful to watch and I am sure when you both get older you could perhaps articulate what is in your hearts for each other, I am sure it will just add more beauty to what I witness every day....Blink.....Stored.
These are a few of my memories and I could go on and on and on. How do you continue to witness these fruitful events and continue to remember. I know I have so many memories stored and I never want to forget the days that I feel so overwhelmed with emotions I feel like my heart could actually explode. How do you put into words a love so strong you feel like you are walking in the clouds.
Thank-you children for blessing me with these emotions and giving me an understanding of unconditional love. You fill me up with life and I love all of you to the moon and back!!
Mom XOXO
Honestly, I went through hours upon hours of videos yesterday and went through thousands of pictures in the evening. Perhaps it was the cold that was making me a little sentimental or perhaps it was noticing Sloan's clothes looking a little shorter, Taigas dresses rising more above the knee, or Gage's legs a little longer.
I want to remember so much and take it all in and never forgot these crazy emotions I feel for the first time, or maybe the wonderful emotions I have felt for the hundred time. Overwhelmed with needing to somehow map it all out for them, so they can actually understand this need I feel compelled to show them, and tell them what they actually mean to me. My mind races and I start to get frantic because what if I forget that feeling, that surge that overcomes you when you are a mom and the whole entire world just seems so right for a fleeting moment because of something your children did or said. What if I don't have enough pictures or videos? What if my memory stops working as I age and I simply forget............I don't ever want to forget!
TAIGA
Your hugs that are so tight in the morning when I get you of your crib and I actually feel you straining your little muscles to give me the biggest hug....Blink....Stored.
The way you copy your sister because she is your super hero and it is so apparent the admiration and love you have for her, I see it in your eyes, and when I see you watching her my heart is full....Blink....Stored.
The way you smile when you are asked to, is infectious.....Blink....Stored.
The way you do your limbo walk with your belly pushed out and shimmy around the house......Blink....Stored.
Your bond with your twin brother is beautiful to witness, and your nurturing capabilities at this young of an age is quite evident of what a great mother you will be.....Blink....Stored.
The way you snuggle me in the mornings and crawl into bed with me to tell me you love me, my heart gets so full with these times.....Blink....Stored.
Sloan the way you love your brother and sister and interact with them makes me feel so blessed that I can actually witness the love you have for each of them, there are times it is as though I can almost reach out and touch it.....Blink....Stored.
Sloan the way you like to make me laugh so you will tell the same joke over and over again, and we end up giggling until we can not stop.....Blink...Stored.
Sloan I love how you remember with great detail and it is so very apparent how our family history is so important to you. I love your story telling.....Blink....Stored.
Sloan when you draw your pictures at the table I love the look of concentration on your face and how it means so much to you for the picture to be a picasso.....Blink....Stored.
Gage I love when I ask you to say Mama and you breathe through your trach, if I listen close enough it is as though I can actually hear the word.....Blink.....Stored.
I love how you adore Sloan and watch her every move, she truly has been your inspiration and I believe you fought to live hardest for her. Your grin when she walks into a room still has not changed even when we came home from the hospital....Blink......Stored.
Your infectious smile I need not say more....Blink.....Stored.
Gage how you continue to be brave, stubborn, and try your hardest each day, my miracle.....Blink....Stored.
The bond you have with Taiga is so very beautiful to watch and I am sure when you both get older you could perhaps articulate what is in your hearts for each other, I am sure it will just add more beauty to what I witness every day....Blink.....Stored.
These are a few of my memories and I could go on and on and on. How do you continue to witness these fruitful events and continue to remember. I know I have so many memories stored and I never want to forget the days that I feel so overwhelmed with emotions I feel like my heart could actually explode. How do you put into words a love so strong you feel like you are walking in the clouds.
Thank-you children for blessing me with these emotions and giving me an understanding of unconditional love. You fill me up with life and I love all of you to the moon and back!!
Mom XOXO