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More from the emptiness within

Posted Jul 13 2007 12:00am

Im obbsessed with the internets, always have been, ok, I take that back, im obsessed with links. I LOVE links, links take you places, you can go here, or there, and see this or that, or perhaps some of this!! who would want to see that? Ok, so Im going to have to work on finding links to fill in ‘this n that’ but the point is, no I dont have one, but I love links, I love going places, online, real life, anywhere, any time.

The bad part? Im jobless. I know, what does this have to do with links? well, you should know by now, nothing I say makes any sort of sence, so off with you. As I was saying, im jobless, meaning, slowly getting moneyless, meaning, slowly by slowly my ‘going places’ are coming to an end, now, theres not to many places I can go on this island, 30 miles of tore up road, goes nowhere, so I go places on line, I have a nice little collection of places ive been, A nice group of pictures that back this up, Ive got some from where, I dont know, and Ive even got one from Japan, or somewhere like that.

Pictures to me, have to speak to me, not literaly, as open up and talk, but they really have to MEAN something, like, look like something to me, mean something. Like this one I have, is of two large towers in the sunset, and it looks to me like its GOING somewhere, ok if you havent figured out by now, I LOVE going places, im worse than a dog in a car, where was I? Oh yea, my going places is slowly dwindling down. Im cutting back on my trips to town, because well….hello, gas prices? whered you come from? Plus, theres really not much THERE, except my smokes….sweet addiction.

No, im not going totaly broke or homeless or any such crazy notion, but things are getting tight around here, last month, I wasnt sure id make rent, but I got a check from my summer job, that id been waiting on for oh…..a few months? and that pulled through, this month? well, I pulled it out of my magic hat…no, seriously, things are getting tighter. Everyones asked me, am I looking for work? have I had any leads? honestly, I havent looked much, I know, lazy ass I have attatched to me, I know whats out there, nothing. I know theres walmart, but, yea…not gonna go there again, Ive got one lead, but the job is in Oregon, I told the guy yea, and now, im faced with Molly going in for surgery….in…..one week….shit, thats soon, too soon.

Back to my point, which is, well, nothing. Im thinking about moving. Yes, moving, finnaly. OMG, the thought couldnt make me happier, no, wait, wrong emotion. Moving, I HATE it, Ive done it, gazilion times, and when I moved in here, I swore up and down i was NOT moving again, period, I moved to get away, and soon found that all moving was doing, was getting me away alright, away from nothing. So I swore Id stay put, this is the house Emmy came home to, this is where she grew up at, this is where she took her first step, this is where she fell down the stairs to many times to count, and if I push my head up against the window just right, I can hear her giggle and say ‘hear daddy? hear birre?’ translated, hear the bird daddy? Point is this house holds alot of memories, When she died, that night I came home, and stood in the door way, listening…..to silence where the foot steps used to run, and the laughter came so freely, at night I can still hear her breath from her corner of the room. I can still see and hear things here, but thats not the point now is it, because well, I didnt have a point.

A friend of mine, well, I guess now there a friend, told me there evicting there son, they said theyve been through many renters and all have trashed the place to no end, and there tired of it, its there retiring years, and they want someone in there to just….keep the place, without trashing it, and thought of me. Its cheaper than what im paying in rent now. im honered? im happy? nope, im leary, yea, you heard me, a sweet deal just got laid out in front of me and im sceptical, why? because ‘good’ things dont just fall out and happen here, to me, atleast.

She wants me in there within a week, if I want it. I told her, that I….was…..unsure, and im sure I looked a little….confused? She laughed, and told me, I had as long as I needed, just that it would be availible starting next week. I thanked her, and left. Now, what does that have to do with….with….whatever it was I started out talking about? About being obbsessed with internets? well…see…thats my point, (I knew I had one somewhere) it has NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!!! see? see what happens when one to many of the wrong boxes get opeend up and mixed up? Well…thats about it.

Ive added another ‘important decision’ that needs made soon, ontop of my already ‘important decisions’ that needed made…say, weeks ago? Its fun, really, this life of mine, atleast, if nothing else…its very entertaining, now who could agree with that!!

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