I do a whole lot of talking and a whole lot of writing (just sent another article off to be edited and perhaps published in a literary journal), and an even greater lot of care giving. I have a super sharp, almost painful ability to see both sides of every coin, even when it comes to my own thoughts, I think. But lately I've just wanted to throw it all in, lie down on the bed and surrender. Give in to darkness or even let light swallow me whole. I know what I'm supposed to do and most of the time I do it, but it's really, really hard right now.
Last night, one of my oldest friends sent me this video. And what I wish is this:
I wish that I could be reborn as a surfer. I wish that I were either completely zen-like or just plain stupid. Maybe they're the same thing. Holy fool? I wish that I smoked a lot of pot and was relaxed. I wish that I could wake in the morning and have nothing to do or think about but riding this wave.