I was going to write a post about how Hannah’s disease is definitely showing signs of progression, although some of it can also be blamed on the hell she went through this summer and the permanent damage all those sedatives caused…but I don’t want to.
Hannah is now sleeping in her crib in our bedroom, hooked up to her humidifed trach collar. She is wearing her Minnie mouse pajamas, and she looks so sweet and peaceful.
The amount of love I have for her is immeasurable. She is one of the most important things in the world to me, and I want everyone to know it. I love the fact that I am her favorite person of all time (well, me and Daddy). I love the huge grin on her face when she hears my voice or sees me coming towards her. Pure, pure unconditional love.
She doesn’t talk. She can’t walk. Her crawling is becoming more and more compromised. She doesn’t understand commands other than “up/down.” She can’t be reasoned with. She can’t be bribed. She can’t pretend to show emotions she isn’t feeling. She can’t blow kisses or even pucker.
Her greatest gift is her smile. When she is happy, she has a grin that lights up the world. Huge, huge smile. Every single time I see her smile, I melt. Every…single….time. Those eyes, those cute little Minnie Mouse cheeks. Gosh, I am a sucker for them.
Her two regular nurses have fallen for that smile too. One of them always has to pick her up to snuggle her before she leaves, saying that she is “stealing Hannah’s kisses” because she wants that smile fix before she goes home.
To say she is a gift is cliche’, but gosh, it is so true. When she smiles at me, I feel lifted in spirit. Hard to explain, but when I get those smiles, I feel like I am going to burst with love. Almost intoxicating. (I know, so drama, but it is so true).
I love her so much. Love, love, love her. Heart ouf of my chest, head in the clouds, in love with Hannah. I am so thankful that she is a part of my life.
And I am thankful for being given the gift of another day that I get to be soaked up with her love and her smile.