I have been busy and not in the mood to blog. I remember a psych class in nursing school, talking about how the Holidays are especially difficult for those who are grieving. I actually remember thinking that I felt I would have an easier time during the Holidays, what with the focus on the Savior and Goodwill to all men, service and Joy to the World. So life decided to teach me a thing or two. The Holidays are hard. They are wonderful. I love Christmas, and the last thing I would want would be for it to become a sad time. But Christmas definitely brings everything to the surface, the music, the the lights, everything seems to bring an achy, lonely feeling. Like something barely remembered but desperately longed for. I have to expect the first year to be the most difficult. I am still enjoying this time of year, and it's still zipping by too fast for me. Zar would have something different to say. But setting up the Christmas tree on a snowy day, I wish I had two little daughters here to stare at it wide eyed and fall asleep in the glow of it's light.