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Come Clean

Posted Jan 19 2008 12:00am

Let’s go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

Cause perfect
Did feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy

Chorus Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
‘Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I’m coming clean, I’m coming clean

I’m shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

‘Cause different
Doesn’t feel so different
And going out is better
Than always staying in
[Come Clean lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Feel the wind

Chorus Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
‘Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I’m coming clean, I’m coming clean

I’m coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I’m coming clean

Chorus Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
‘Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I’m coming clean, I’m coming clean

Let’s go back
Back to the beginning

Molly loved to dance, she loved to get wet, and this perhaps was her all time favorite…she caleld it her “dancin rain song” When ever shed hear it, shed start to bop along with it and by the time it ended, shed be in a full fledge dance. I wont ever look at a rainy day the same, Ill never hear this song the same, Ill still mix the words up, and hear her little voice chourus in the back ground, Ill still see her little head start to bop, and her legs gradually take her into a full fledge entertaining dance, that always ended with her in a heap of giggles begging to play it again. Who could say no?

Well here we are…the 19th is here, and soon to go…I hope. It started out rather rough….I guess just everything rumbling together at once has sucked…but aside from that its all good.

It would have been Mollys 5th birthday today, the first without her. Its a hard thing to wrap my mind around, but this week has been sort of “Molly thought centered” thus the random stories, thoughts, memories etc. Ive been feeling rather bad that Ive been thinking more about Molly than the other kids, or Emmy even, but Ive figured out over the years its easier to just let the thoughts go, its faster, and it will eventually get back on track.

Today, however, my thoughts have shifted more over towards Josh. Its three years roday since Kelsy’s died. While the regular thoughts of “she wont ever see her son…” and so forth have been around, its been more aimed towards Josh. Hes never known his mom, never will. Thats almost harder to think about than the fact that shes actually gone. Of course, its still really easy to forget and shove her back, along with my other siblings. The fact, however, that Josh wont ever have a mom, someone to stand on the sidelines and cheer him on while no one else is even looking, is hard today. Its another area I realize Ive failed in, telling him about his mom, but how do you tell a 3 yr old about his mom who died when he was 4 months?

Well…today will go on, tomorrow will come, things will soon be better….I hope…No letter to Molly this year, no letter to Josh, nothing to Emmy, nothing to Kelsy….maybe later….maybe never….

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