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What You Pack When You Are Going To A Third World (Ish) Country, Working With Scabby Children, Have A Wonky Immune System...

Posted Nov 29 2008 12:19pm

...A Congenital Brain Malformation, And Are Dating A Doctor

96 antidiarrheal caplets ( for my autoimmune intestinal disease, for after I have to take Cipro,'s INDIA)

48 Zantac caplets ( because, um, I don't even normally EAT indian food)

100 Tylenol ( assorted autoimmune diseases=inflammatory resp..random fevers)

100 Advil ( see above. plus yoga. plus bumpy camels. plus, ya know..cramps. plus, um...I'm missing bits of skull and such, which is just always a headache)

Tube of Lotromin ( not that I would ever get anything as gross as athletes foot...that's just..wrong)

Tube of Cortisone ( flea bites. Mosquito bites. Camel bites. Sand fly bites.)

Tube of bacitracin ( camel bites and children bites)

Course of Ciproflaxin ( Delhi Belly, baby. And anthrax. And..ya know..dysentery)

Diflucan and other assorted girl meds ( dude...antibiotics. Questionable sanitation. CAMEL TREKS!)

3 months supply of Mefloquine, a malaria med that lists "psychosis and major depressive disorder and on very rare occasions, suicide" as a side effect. ( but several others are not able to combat the malaria that is prevelant in India, and some others I don't get to take because of my "pre-existing conditions. YAY psychosis! Who needs bhang lassi?)

DEET bug spray ( because even though I'll be psychotic and malaria free, the skeeters also carry germies for japanese encephalitis, sand flies cause L-something which can give you, er..elephantitis of your legs, and camel fleas are just wrong)

Mosquito netting ( apparently, mosquitos=really bad)

Synthroid ( Autoimmune disease of thyroid=radiation a decade ago= NO THYROID FUNCTION)

Hydrochlorathiazide ( because without these babies, I'd be having kidney stones and surgery every 6 months instead of 2-4 years)

Zyrtec ( I'm allergic to...everything. And camels.)

Gabapentin ( neuropathic pain med and antiseizure med. Haven't needed in a while, but come on now, ya'll know I will)

SPF 55 ( I'm freakin Irish. My brain surgery scar will get all poofy without it. And the kidney stone meds make me sun sensitive. AND I'M IRISH!)

Chlorine water treatment pills ( "Use in case of emergency. Let water stand 4 hours" Yeah...sure...)

Water bottle with carbon filter, cyst ( CYST?) spore ( SPORE?) filter, and Virus Sheild ( ew)

SteriPen- Ultraviolet wand you wave in water to render the DNA of microorganisms inactive, so they can't make the babies and, um..give you polio, hepatitis, giardia, cryptosporidium, salmonella, e-coli, and...stuff

Extra water bottle ( stupid kidneys. And because of my Spinal Bubble of Doom, iffn I get dehydrated, that affects my CSF fluid and my intercranial pressure, and then I limp around like quasimodo all ataxic and crap and my extremeties go all numb and I bump into...camels)

And because I am such a fertile goddess, I have so many freaking "sanitary supplies" I could build my own Tampax Taj Mahal...

I now need luggage just for my mobile pharmacy.

Oh, wild polio is endemic, if camels or monkeys or anything else bites me, I'll get a whopping case of the rabies, and there's dengue fever, aforementioned japanese encephalitis, that elephantitis crap, typhoid, cholera, and, um..yeah. OH, and Uber Shrink said all that DEET will make me give birth to kids with flipper arms later in life. And psychosis from the malaria meds. Which won't work and I'll still get malaria. Of course, he also told me I will get heavy metal poisoning, something that feral bunnies have, amoebic dysentery of the brain, and he's convinced I'm going to marry a local or decide to become much more active in my passive resistance to change the world or myself and just stay there.

I think he's just gonna miss me and can't admit it.

I advise no one come withing 10 feet of me after my trip until I have been hosed down with bleach. Thankyouverymuch.

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