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Tunnel Vision

Posted Aug 26 2008 11:29pm

The last couple of days I have been struck with a tidal wave of emotions ~ I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to do next. I have been on the defensive ~ pleading my case ~ explaining myself to an endless stream of brain docrtors ~ with TCI as my goal all along. I should feel immense relief that there is light at the end of the tunnel ~ that I will be on the road to recovery soon ~ and still I am surrounded by doubt ~ fear ~ struggle! Like a thick fog has decended and shows no sign of lifting. At least I know that I am human!

So ~ the call came in yesterday ~ the surgical scheduler called to give me a surgery date. I totally expected that it would be a good two months down the road, but what I wasn't expecting was two surgery dates ~ almost a month apart. February 1st will be my tethered cord surgery and then on March 7th the decompression ~ yikes!

If there is anyone out there who has gone through the tethered cord surgery ~ I would love to hear what your experience was like ~ this is the surgery that has me rattled the most because of the aloofness of the invisible problem! I am especially interested in those of you that had the occult tethered cord and when they did the surgery there was no doubt that there was some strong tethering going on in there!

Somewhere inside I am relieved to have a date to focus on ~ I can continue to mentally prepare myself for this next journey ~ so weird that on the other side of these surgeries will be " my life after brain surgery" ~ I am praying for a peace that passes all understanding to settle in. I keep having an inner struggle that tells me that I am crazy for insisting of surgery ~ but then again ~I know that God has been here with me every step along the way ~ He is sparing me from permanent damage by doing the procedures now and not waiting ~ His timing is perfect ~ I just have to keep reminding myself of this! Voice of truth speak loud and clear ~

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