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Should You Attend a Caregiver Support Group, Finding New Friends and Resources

Posted Apr 09 2009 7:13pm

I have to admit that I didn’t attend a caregiver support group while I was caring for my mom.

I started full time caregiving back in 1998 and honestly, I didn’t even know caregiving support groups existed, and by the time I did, Iwas feeling so overwhlmed that if I had the opportunity to dress and leave the house (and leave my mother), I had decided that it wasn’t going to be to go and talk about my mother! Yeah, I’m stubborn.

It’s not that I didn’t need a support group. I’m sure my friends were sick of my griping and whining.

But honestly, what little energy and thought I had were used to continue to parent my children. In addition to my mom’s meds, physical therapy, and every day needs, I also had to think about SAT prep, teaching my youngest how to drive, helping another study for a big test, making sure they attended a youth group–and my spare time was spent driving them or making sure they got to their activities. And that’s the way it should be–that’s what being a sandwich generation parent is all about.

But now I know now that it would have benefited me greatly to attend a workshop, conference or support group–at least a couple of times a year.

Caregiver Support Groups Help By:

  • Giving you a safe place to vent
  • To know you’re not alone
  • To find out about your community’s resources
  • To make short and long term plans
  • Helping you understand what part of the journey you’re on
  • To give you validation and permission to feel all that you’re feeling

So yes, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do a bit of Internet browsing and find out what’s available for you–almost every city and county offers something–an Alzheimer’s Association meeting, an American Heart Association gathering, stroke group meeting or a hospice based workshop.

I know you might not have fully accepted your role, your “name tag” as caregiver. That’s a big step. 

That means you’re at the top of a really big hill–and we all know where it’s headed. But I promise you’ll feel more relief in attending than you think.

Don’t Just Attend a Support Group–Also Consider:

  • Talking to someone while you’re there and even exchanging email addresses or phone numbers
  • Ask a question–chances are if you don’t know the answer, others don’t know it either–and would really appreciate your candor
  • Get info, lots of info–and follow up, make some calls or check out various groups on the web
  • Many home health organizations attend these workshops–you could find some great resources, so look around
  • Begin to take pride in your caregiver’s “badge of honor.” Get educated. Help others. Be okay that this is who you are and where you are–for now.

One last thing-

I hope you’ll step outside your comfort zone and sign up for yoga, take a computer course at the community college, get Rosetta Stone and learn a language.

I know, you’re exhausted. Overwhelmed. Too numb to live your pinky finger.

Don’t let caregiving shut your personal growth completely down. It doesn’t have to.

Carve out an hour a week for a class. Carve out 15 minutes a day to learn to knit or practice your Spanish verbs.

Learning and moving is absolutely vital to your body–and soul.

It even makes you a better caregiver.

Go on, type in caregiver support group, and the name of your city or area.

Find out what’s available.

Finding new friends and resources is a good a thing. 

~Carol D. O’Dell

Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir

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