Wow. It has been a while. I apologize for such a long hiatus but i wanted to come back with something positive. The truth is I haven't seen much positivity lately. Judy is doing well. She is the same, but it has been a rough few months. My grandmother passed away recently and though I wasn't close to her, my mother was. I have had a difficult time deciding whether or not to tell my mother and I am still trying to figure it out.
My next door neighborer left last month to take care of his grandmother who may have Alzheimer's and we haven't heard from him in a while. Another neighborer who happens to be one of my closest friends lost her grandfather and her father within weeks of each other and she held her father when he passed away. And another friend of mine lost his mom to a long battle with cancer and I have not been able to reach him or his wife.
So you can see why I have not been writing. It just didn't seem right to put my personal issues out there when so many others were having a hard time. My wish for all left behind during these difficult times would be to remember the joy that there loved ones gave them when they where around and To take time to let the pain in. I don't think you can ever really move on until you do.
When the pain lessons you will be able to smile and laugh again and when it hits you to laugh till your stomach hurts I ask you to let it happen. Enjoy the little moments and come out the other side of this with nothing but love. as simple and cliche as it may be time heals all wounds and I hope that time is fast and steady for you all.
One of the most difficult aspects of caring for someone with dementia is trying to figure out whether to tell about sad events. We are brought up to tell the truth. But, watching the dementia patient go through grief and mourning multiple times because she/he can't process the grief into permanent memory is really excruciating.
Each situation is unique but the best advice I read is "meet the person where they are today, not where they used to be."
In the last months of his life, my father's electrolytes would go out of control as his kidneys failed. So he would tell me unbelievable stories about how there were certain people at the rehab facility who had "something big going down."
It was like he had walked into the story of an old 40's gangster movie and was living it. I couldn't convince him that it wasn't true.
So, I accepted that he believed it and spent time telling him how he was safe and being shielded from whatever was going down. That seemed to put his mind at ease.
I know that you will figure out the right thing to do for Judy. Keep up the good work!
I have AD & FTD, watching and hearing from caregivers I get the feeling, that you folks feel you do not have a right to feel. Oh how wrong you are. Never keep them tied up inside, that is what causes many of you to fail and break down. You all need to know how it affects you, you can support one another. We are a handful to take care of and we just worsen and die, period. Fact. I did and still try not to morn for those who past, to me I found out that it was for me that I morned really, so I try to rejoice in having known the person for the time I was allowed to and find that to be better for my soul. It gets rid of being selfish and selfabsorbed. Stand tall and remember you need help as well.