On November 12, 2008 we began a series called Men as Caregivers.
We explored why few men attend caregiver support groups
and laid out a four-point plan to encourage more male attendance while ensuring everyone is heard.This second blog in the series focuses on men asking for help.
The truth is men don't ask for help as much as they should. For thirty-one years I've asked my husband to ask for help (of me, the neighbors, friends, colleagues). He doesn't. In fact, he gets irritated at me for suggesting it.
Why won't guys ask for help?
My husband claims he doesn't think of it. Hmmmm, after thirty-one years? Other reasons I've heard include wanting to rise up to the challenge and not being a bother to anyone.
Not asking for help will prove fatal over time as male caregivers try to shoulder the entire responsibility and exhaust themselves to death. Seriously!
Sure, we women can see one advantage; that is when it's cold, rainy, or even snowing outside, and the men in our lives go outdoors to make needed repairs without asking for our help. We are quite content to stay indoors where it's warm and dry.
Still, not asking for help soon enough (or at all) is not healthy nor does it promote satisfying long-term relationships.
Consider when someone close to you genuinely needs your assistance. How does it make you feel when s/he asks for YOUR help?
Doesn't it make you feel needed? (We all have a need to feel needed.) Don't you feel closer to the person who reaches out to YOU for YOUR assistance? (Note the difference between a genuine and occasional call for help versus the overdone request that will prove annoying over time.)
Second, the person asking will not be so burdened having to do the task alone. There is truth to the saying: Many hands make light work.
Men, heed my call, you need help. Now ask for it. It's not so hard. When my husband (at my urging) does finally get our neighbors to help, beer usually follows. How bad can that be?
Men, not asking for help over time will mean struggling alone, and ultimately dealing with your own health issues. How fair is this to those who love you? And while I'm at it, please don't ignore health symptoms or postpone seeking help before it's too late. There are people in your life who love you and need you to live a healthy life.
In the dozen years I've been involved with caregivers, I've enjoyed the confident wisdom, humor, and creativity of male caregivers. Sadly, many of them passed away before their wives for whom they were providing care.
Men, take it upon yourselves, this holiday season to start asking for help.And women, be sure the man in your life gets a copy of this article.
Please visit our November 12, 2008 blog, which addresses Men and Support Groups. In 2009, we'll explore additional male-specific issues.
This second blog in the series focuses on men asking for help.
The truth is men don't ask for help as much as they should. For thirty-one years I've asked my husband to ask for help (of me, the neighbors, friends, colleagues). He doesn't. In fact, he gets irritated at me for suggesting it.
Why won't guys ask for help?
My husband claims he doesn't think of it. Hmmmm, after thirty-one years? Other reasons I've heard include wanting to rise up to the challenge and not being a bother to anyone.
Not asking for help will prove fatal over time as male caregivers try to shoulder the entire responsibility and exhaust themselves to death. Seriously!
Sure, we women can see one advantage; that is when it's cold, rainy, or even snowing outside, and the men in our lives go outdoors to make needed repairs without asking for our help. We are quite content to stay indoors where it's warm and dry.
Still, not asking for help soon enough (or at all) is not healthy nor does it promote satisfying long-term relationships.
Consider when someone close to you genuinely needs your assistance. How does it make you feel when s/he asks for YOUR help?
Doesn't it make you feel needed? (We all have a need to feel needed.) Don't you feel closer to the person who reaches out to YOU for YOUR assistance? (Note the difference between a genuine and occasional call for help versus the overdone request that will prove annoying over time.)
Second, the person asking will not be so burdened having to do the task alone. There is truth to the saying: Many hands make light work.
Men, heed my call, you need help. Now ask for it. It's not so hard. When my husband (at my urging) does finally get our neighbors to help, beer usually follows. How bad can that be?
Men, not asking for help over time will mean struggling alone, and ultimately dealing with your own health issues. How fair is this to those who love you? And while I'm at it, please don't ignore health symptoms or postpone seeking help before it's too late. There are people in your life who love you and need you to live a healthy life.
In the dozen years I've been involved with caregivers, I've enjoyed the confident wisdom, humor, and creativity of male caregivers. Sadly, many of them passed away before their wives for whom they were providing care.
Men, take it upon yourselves, this holiday season to start asking for help.And women, be sure the man in your life gets a copy of this article.
Please visit our November 12, 2008 blog, which addresses Men and Support Groups. In 2009, we'll explore additional male-specific issues.