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How hard is is to ake care of an 85 y/o with a severe stroke who can not walk/talk/toilet/has a feeding tube-at home?

Posted by cat-ebbert

Mother-in-law, 85 y/o, had a 2nd stroke with left hemipareisis, 12/28/10.  First stroke 12/26/09 which she walked away from.  She was getting ready to d/c from a sub acute rehab requiring moderate to maximum assist with eating (she has a feeding tube) soft mech. diet.  taking Magase for appitite.  w/c bound, total toileting assist required. She requires moderate assist for sit-to stand transfers.  Occasionally able to say a few words, that are difficult to understand.  She had a seizure 2 days ago and has lost most of the physical gains she had made in rehab.  Now my 350+lbs sister-in law, with bad knees/hips, wants to take her mother home with her and care for her mother.  Just how hard is it to take care of another person who needs total care? How realistic is it for this 65 y/o daughter to care for her mother, I am more worried for my sister-in-law than my mother-in-law.
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I have been a Certified Nurses' Assistant for almost 5 yrs. and let me tell you this, it very very difficult to take care of any total care loved one. I have seen family members try to take care of their parents because they feel it is the right thing to do. But the caregiver MUST take into account their own physical limitations and really think about how much harm they may put themselves and their loved one in. For example, what if the daughter goes to pick up her mother and her knee gives way? E ven if it's moderate assistance she requires for transfers, if this occurs, she would DROP her mother and not to mention hurt herself. Then her mother would require total assistance for transfers and the daughter would be unable to do because she'd be injured.It irequires around the clock care. Your sister-in-law may have great intentions but TRUST ME this will take it's toll and she will require assistance taking care of her mother. Speaking From Experience In Texas

Hi Cat-Ebbert,

I agree wholeheartedly with the comment above. It is very difficult to care for someone with as many issues as you mother-in-law has. And, your sister-in-law's poor health (350 lbs?) puts her at risk of serious injury.

It would a good idea for the family to speak with a geriatric care manager who can help them create a realistic care plan for your mother-in-law. And prevent a serious mistake that could harm your sister-in-law.

Best to you,

CK Wilde

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