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Caregiving and the Holidays, Is this Your Last Christmas Together?

Posted Dec 17 2010 8:13pm

My friend Amy opens her front door and a hospice care person steps inside. They walk back to Amy’s dad’s room–a small Christmas tree sits on table positioned for him to see.  It’s the only holiday decoration in the house. Caregiving and the holidays can be a tender time–and a time of dread.

You might be asking, “Is this our last Christmas together?”

If your loved one is in hospice, it might be. But this is Amy’s second Christmas–with hospice in tow. Still, she feels that her dad won’t make a third.

“There’s a finality to this holiday we haven’t had before. Even dad knows it.”

I asked her what means the most to her this season–what’s the one thing she has to do.

“Our family tradition is that on christmas Eve we gather around the tree, drink egg nog and open our gifts.  Dad always reads from the Book of Luke and we sing Silent Night.”

Amy teared. She’s worried her dad won’t make it that long.

I suggested she move up Christmas Eve–that her dad probably wouldn’t question the date. Her face lit up and a smile spread across her entire face, softening worry lines.

What do you do if this is your last Christmas together?

Whatever brings you relief, whatever comforts you–do it now.

Surround you and your loved one with support and ease.

Ask for help, say exactly what you need–or ask for space–whichever you need.

Let go of expectations.

Let go of everything and everybody who causes you stress.

Pull in. Get Quiet.

Find your place of peace.

Make your own Christmas. Don’t wait.


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