Caring for another; particularly one with cognitive impairment such as that caused by Alzheimer's, can produce an unimaginable strain on relationships. For this reason, before agreeing to care for a parent, spouse, sibling, or other; spouses, partners, family members, or friends, need to evaluate whether they can commit to serving as caregivers.
When my father started showing advanced signs of dementia and the Milwaukee County Department of Aging social worker called us in California; we knew the risks were high of my father starting a fire by leaving the heater on under the bed covers. We knew he could injure someone on the road while struggling to drive.
It was my husband who said something must be done for my father.
During an unorthodox (and not recommended) situation (detailed in "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's ), we decided to care for my father.
Committing to the role of caregiver was not easy by any means. What did we know? We didn't even have children. Plus, when you take on the role of caregiving, you can't possibly expect all that will be required. That's why so many say it's a labor of love.
Even after having been together for 19 years, we still felt the stress and strain. Intimacy? HAH! When? How? My father was a wanderer. Morning, noon, and especially at night. We were exhausted. We felt we were getting Alzheimer's trying to keep up with his care!
Caring.com reported the results of their study of Baby Boomers caring for their aging parents:
1. 80% of baby boomers reported strains on their relationships.
2. 46% of baby boomers stated that caregiving damaged their romantic relationships.
3. 25% of divorced baby boomers said caregiving played a major role in their divorce.
4. Baby boomers who are working full-time, are providing financial assistance to aging parents, and/or have aging parents living with them are at the greatest risk of marital strain.
Teaming with two "marriage doctors," they offer 7 tips to maintain and strengthen caregivers' marriages as they face the challenges of caring for aging parents.
Caregivers must consider the years invested in growing their lives together, raising children, and even building their dreams. All of these cannot be thrown away due to the temporary stresses of caregiving. Yes, it feels like forever while we're in the midst of caregiving; but for most of us, caregiving is temporary.
If we lose perspective and allow these temporary stressors to dominate our lives, we will lose control, forego our valued relationships, and compromise our health and well-being. When a loved one requires care, if the burden becomes too great, as it did for my husband and me, we must find a workable option. From in-home care to nursing home care or board and care and assisted living in between; it was one of the most painful decisions we made to place my father. But placing him in the skilled hands of caring staff meant we were no longer showing signs of caregiver dementia or fearing Alzheimer's had come to rest upon our lives in our late thirties. Instead, we were able to have enjoyable visits with him while preserving our relationship.
Caring for another; particularly one with cognitive impairment such as that caused by Alzheimer's, can produce an unimaginable strain on relationships. For this reason, before agreeing to care for a parent, spouse, sibling, or other; spouses, partners, family members, or friends, need to evaluate whether they can commit to serving as caregivers.
When my father started showing advanced signs of dementia and the Milwaukee County Department of Aging social worker called us in California; we knew the risks were high of my father starting a fire by leaving the heater on under the bed covers. We knew he could injure someone on the road while struggling to drive.
It was my husband who said something must be done for my father.
During an unorthodox (and not recommended) situation (detailed in "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's ), we decided to care for my father.
Committing to the role of caregiver was not easy by any means. What did we know? We didn't even have children. Plus, when you take on the role of caregiving, you can't possibly expect all that will be required. That's why so many say it's a labor of love.
Even after having been together for 19 years, we still felt the stress and strain. Intimacy? HAH! When? How? My father was a wanderer. Morning, noon, and especially at night. We were exhausted. We felt we were getting Alzheimer's trying to keep up with his care!
Caring.com reported the results of their study of Baby Boomers caring for their aging parents:
1. 80% of baby boomers reported strains on their relationships.
2. 46% of baby boomers stated that caregiving damaged their romantic relationships.
3. 25% of divorced baby boomers said caregiving played a major role in their divorce.
4. Baby boomers who are working full-time, are providing financial assistance to aging parents, and/or have aging parents living with them are at the greatest risk of marital strain.
Teaming with two "marriage doctors," they offer 7 tips to maintain and strengthen caregivers' marriages as they face the challenges of caring for aging parents.
Caregivers must consider the years invested in growing their lives together, raising children, and even building their dreams. All of these cannot be thrown away due to the temporary stresses of caregiving. Yes, it feels like forever while we're in the midst of caregiving; but for most of us, caregiving is temporary.
If we lose perspective and allow these temporary stressors to dominate our lives, we will lose control, forego our valued relationships, and compromise our health and well-being. When a loved one requires care, if the burden becomes too great, as it did for my husband and me, we must find a workable option. From in-home care to nursing home care or board and care and assisted living in between; it was one of the most painful decisions we made to place my father. But placing him in the skilled hands of caring staff meant we were no longer showing signs of caregiver dementia or fearing Alzheimer's had come to rest upon our lives in our late thirties. Instead, we were able to have enjoyable visits with him while preserving our relationship.
