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The last connecting key

Posted Aug 07 2010 12:00am

My father sold my parents’ apartment and moved out 2 weeks ago. This key is/was the key to my parents’s home. And it officially symbolized the last real connection to the past that includes my mom.

You see, I keep thinking her death hasn’t really hit me yet because I haven’t had those major life events yet – I haven’t gotten married yet, and I haven’t had children yet.

But you know? Major life events don’t really matter – those are usually events that last a day or two and then you settle into your new life.

For all intents and purposes, this is a new life. I am living with a man that my mother never met, in an apartment she’s never seen, in a city she never thought I’d live in (ditto, by the way), working at a company she never heard of, and driving a car she’s never been in.

And now – visiting my father will be in a new place, completely void of memories related to my mom.

There are few things in my life now that are consistent with what my life was like the last time my mom was aware of my existence. In essence, just my family. And this is what it’s going to be from now on.

Because I will continue living with a man she’ll never meet, in apartments she’ll never see, in cities she won’t visit, working at companies she will not hear of, and driving cars she’ll never be in.

Except I’ll also be marrying  a man she’ll never meet, having kids she’ll never see, who will miss out on the amazing mother and grandmother that she was.

So really, later is now.

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