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The evolution of romance inmymarriage

Posted Jan 15 2009 7:56pm

I received a comment from Christina on Monday’s post about the night Brian was diagnosed. I was amused by her comment because while moved by the whole story, she highlighted the sentence about our shower together and ended the comment with, Ahhhh, Newlyweds. I contemplated omitting that part of the story, but it was such a part of who we were then. We even received a gift basket from a friend of Brian’s parents that summer with all kinds of lotions and soaps because, “we heard how much you like to share the shower.” We used to shower together all the time. We washed each other’s backs and made sure the other still had a spray of hot water even when we were rinsing our own hair.

Today. NO STINKING WAY. Get out of my spray zone you hot water hog. It’s my turn to rinse. I have soap in my eyes. Your pits still smell, wash them again. YOU get out and dry with YOUR towel first, I will stay in the stall and dry off.

Sort of lost it’s romantic luster somewhere.

How many other romantic and simple gestures have we lost in the hullabaloo of life and marriage? Thirteen Lots.

  1. Then: Long conversations that lasted well into the sleeping hours of the night. Now: Brian says my superpower is the ability to fall asleep within minutes of my head touching the pillow. I’m gifted.

  2. Then: Flowers and jewelry as a gesture of love. Now: Ummmm. Hon? The budget… We need to save towards a new washer and dryer to replace these that probably have about 3 years’ useful life remaining.

  3. Then: Staying in bed late into the day while sleeping in, reading, and fooling around intermittently. Now: Reality = children.

  4. Then: Sexy = lights dim, soft music, me in a skimpy negligee. Now: Sexy = Lights bright, loud vacuum cleaner pushed by him in an apron.

  5. Then: Weekend getaways to the mountains. Now: Weekend home repair projects that ACTUALLY get finished.

  6. Then: Sharing a twin bed while spooning. Now: Considering a king size bed lest I actually feel human flesh next to me during my precious sleep.

  7. Then: Shopping together, browsing through aisles, glancing at the window displays, taking our time. Now: Shop separately for the things each knows best. No. Matter. What.

  8. Then: Ideal night out = nice restaurant, taking 2 hours to eat, bottle of wine, a show or live music somewhere afterwards. Now: Ideal night out = any night away from the kids with free babysitting so we don’t have to watch each tick of the clock add up to $$$.

  9. Then: Taking care of our bodies, doing our best to stay looking buff and trim. Now: Sucking in our guts when walking past the mirror and boasting that we still got it, careful to avoid the wrong angle lest we be humbled by love handles.

  10. Then: Staying up together watching the late show or late movie. Now: Watching the DVR ’d late show or movie at 8:45 as soon as the kids are in bed so we can get to bed earlier.

  11. Then: Sharing an entrée (whatever he wanted) at a restaurant while I nibbled on my appetizer. Now: HA! I’m not sharing my meal and I am NOT compromising on what I am ordering. This is MY NIGHT OUT FROM COOKING, DAMNIT!

  12. Then: 3 of the best words = I love you. Now: 3 of the best words = You were right.

  13. Then: Mortified or at least slightly modest about any bodily functions the other might witness. Now: Finishing our sentences mid-burp while, sadly, the other understands the sentence.

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