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The Booger Vault

Posted Jan 15 2009 7:56pm

In keeping with the disgusting, dirty little boys theme I started with my last post, I thought I would share the following discovery:

Several weeks ago, when putting Gavin to bed, I saw this above his headboard.

“What is that on your wall?” I inquired. Gavin smirked. Upon closer observation, I noticed several more streaks on the wall just beyond the headboard slats.

“Gavin, what IS that? Seriously, it looks like…. Oh no…don’t tell me…”
Gavin replied without remorse, “Well, Mom, my nose gets boogers when I lay down.” “WHY DON’T YOU BLOW IT THEN?” I impatiently inquire. He retorts, “NO! I HATE blowing my nose!”

He hates blowing his nose, but picking it and decorating the wall with booger sprinkles is apparently acceptable.

Super Close Up

I don’t know why I am surprised, really. Based on my first road trip with Brian, I should have known that Booger Vaults are an element of male organizational skills. Brian and I had been dating mere months when I found myself in his car for an extended duration, looked out the corner of my eye, and saw IT. I caught him mid-pick. Due to the seedling stage of our relationship I contemplated calling him out in this incriminating predicament. I didn’t contemplate long, however, and began to chuckle. I expected an awkward scratch-pick cover-up when he realized he was busted. Rather, he looked at me without remorse and stated, “Sometimes you gotta pick to get the stubborn ones out.” “Gross, maybe you could use a Kleenex, and by the way, I don’t have one.” Brian was a junior in college, so rest assured, there were no Kleenex in his car, not even a Wendy’s napkin in sight. He looked at me as if I had suddenly sprouted several extra key facial features and declared,

“What would I need THAT for?”

“Because you have a booger on your finger now.”

“So. I’ll just roll it up in a ball,” as he shows me the fine art of rolling drying mucus into a tightly rounded sphere between thumb and forefinger.

“Oh. My. Word. THEN what do you do with it?”

“THEN, it goes in the Booger Vault,” as he reaches down between the drivers seat and driver’s door.

“Disgusting. Now you just have a bunch of boogers hanging out next to your door in the ‘Booger Vault’”

“That’s the beauty of the booger vault. They disappear.”

Unfortunately, Gavin’s booger vault did not disappear. It has taken hot soapy water, Simple Green and Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser, yet STILL some remains.


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