I hate Sundays. I am just going to put that out there. I find it hard to relax on Sunday when I know that I am about to embark on a new week. My husband believes that it is because my job is overwhelming. I don't think that is the sole reason. I believe I am just in a place of not being in the mood to do anything. And even though I am not in the mood to anything, I can't seem to stop doing things. Does that make sense???? For instance, today I....woke up at about 9, made breakfast, cleaned up the house a bit, woke the husband, and we shoveled the 20 plus inches of snow that fell on us, we shoveled for about three hours, walked the dog, came in and defrosted, I printed pics for some friends, I read, I paid some bills, I cooked food for the week and ate some, and baked cookies, took the dog for a second walk, I showered, did laundry, and now it is 12 hours later at 9pm and I am finally pooped and now I am blogging. So tell me this, why am I not able to stop doing things. I just want to be able to be the type of person who could get up on a snowy Sunday and just do NOTHING. I guess it's because I am just an anxious person, who calms her anxiety by keeping busy and being productive. I have pretty much been this way forever, but I think it has been exacerbated by several life changing experiences. I think since I was diagnosed, I have been some what of an energizer bunny. As if I have to prove that I am well and capable of doing things. As if keeping busy keeps the cancer away, or atleast out of my mind.
These are days when I miss college I must say. It was the one time in my life where I recall being mellow and relaxed. Could be because I was smoking pot pretty much everyday? That could be the reason. Hhhhmmmm.....something to think about. A little self medicating perhaps.
Some thoughts this Sunday:
I have been thinking about Vicki all weekend. She is an OVCA sister, who was diagnosed in November and having surgery tomorrow. Please send her your prayers and thoughts.