Well, it only took a week and a half for the girls at the clinic to get their heads screwed on straight and figure out just how to schedule a PET scan. I am not trying to be critical here - but they are my primary health care provider right now - and at the moment it is pretty damn scary that these people practice medicine. Perhaps that is the clue - they are just practicing?!?!
At any rate, the PET scan is scheduled in Salem next Wednesday morning - the 19th. They said it will likely take less than an hour. I wonder if I can take my MP3 player in that machine with me? I somehow doubt it, that would just make the experience too much fun - and cancer is not supposed to be fun. I gotta admit that I am pretty darn nervous about the scan - but as I have learned, you hope for the best and prepare for the worst. That is all any of us can do.
I came down sick yesterday morning - one of the reasons the blog was so brief. Fever, chills and a nasty cough - what a way to start the week. It feels like bronchitis. I successfully slept away most of yesterday - now why can't I do that on the days I don't want to deal with cancer? I slept so much that it was hard to sleep last night. I thought about just getting up at 1am and blogging - but then I would inevitably want to smoke - and cigarettes are the last thing my lungs need right now. I haven't been sick in a long time - with the exception of the cancer. After my brief dance with methotrexate following a molar pregnancy back in 1991, it seemed I would come down sick at least a few times a year with bronchitis. At first the episodes were just terrible - fevers near 104 degrees. Over the years my immune system got better and I hardly ever got sick. I suppose that my immune system has been a bit preoccupied lately with my kidney and anywhere else this beast is lurking.
Lest I jinx myself by saying this, but the pressure under my right rib cage doesn't seem to feel as bad this morning. Of course, I have my flank pain to keep me company and remind me that I am not invincible. I am used to low grade brief fevers or chills with this kidney cancer - but the fever and chills I get with this bug that I have picked up are really kicking my butt. But, I will press on and keep blogging - I have to stay awake long enough to feed Shannon breakfast.
In my pursuit for more music for my MP3 player - I have been venturing outside the box a bit. I am testing out some of the new country songs and snagging some of the older ones too. Pretty uncharacteristic for me. The only country I ever really liked before were older Garth Brooks hits, Shania Twain hits from the 90's and a variety of Alan Jackson hits. I am discovering some good talent in country music - at least I think they are country songs. Chris Daughtry has a nice song about 'Coming Home' and Carrie Underwood has a good one in 'Before He Cheats' - that one would have come in real handy back during my first marriage :)
I have found myself perusing some of John Denver's hits - I like Rocky Mountain High. The beginning lyrics speak volumes to me:
He was born in the summer of his 27 th year
Coming home to a place he had never been before
He left yesterday behind him
You might say he was born again
You might say he found the key for every door
In some ways I feel as though I was re-born in the autumn of my 37th year, when my cancer was diagnosed. While I don't consider the cancer experience to be 'home' - it is a place I have never been before - and it has changed my life forever. To say that I was born again through this is to say that I no longer take my life for granted - the aspects of my life - the people in my life. Though many days I do fear what will happen as time passes - this cancer has opened many doors. I tend to rant more about the doors that I haven't been able to open. Because of my kidney cancer experience I am keenly aware of my own mortality - and I now have the gift of being aware of my time here. I may not know exactly how many months or years I have with my family and friends - how much time I have left to enjoy all of the gifts that God has given all of us - whether it be the simple things of nature such as the trees, foliage or wildlife. I try everyday to enjoy that which I see - the birds at our feeder, the deer that leap through the pasture next door or the stars that come out at night. I try to soak everything in - no longer taking it all for granted.
As I have said, each song seems to evoke some type of a memory for me - or at least speaks to me in some way that I can relate to. I guess I find my comfort and a certain release in music. Music tends to be my biggest stress reliever. Just put my headphones on me and give me my keyboard and my troubles feel like they are melting away. Perhaps that is why the tone of my blog can change from day to day - it really does depend on what I am listening to. When listening to more upbeat songs I tend to be more cheery or even sarcastic - but with the slower songs I probably come off more depressing. What's worse yet are the days that I shuffle my music and am writing to both upbeat and depressing songs - good luck trying to read my mood then :)
At any rate, the PET scan is scheduled in Salem next Wednesday morning - the 19th. They said it will likely take less than an hour. I wonder if I can take my MP3 player in that machine with me? I somehow doubt it, that would just make the experience too much fun - and cancer is not supposed to be fun. I gotta admit that I am pretty darn nervous about the scan - but as I have learned, you hope for the best and prepare for the worst. That is all any of us can do.
I came down sick yesterday morning - one of the reasons the blog was so brief. Fever, chills and a nasty cough - what a way to start the week. It feels like bronchitis. I successfully slept away most of yesterday - now why can't I do that on the days I don't want to deal with cancer? I slept so much that it was hard to sleep last night. I thought about just getting up at 1am and blogging - but then I would inevitably want to smoke - and cigarettes are the last thing my lungs need right now. I haven't been sick in a long time - with the exception of the cancer. After my brief dance with methotrexate following a molar pregnancy back in 1991, it seemed I would come down sick at least a few times a year with bronchitis. At first the episodes were just terrible - fevers near 104 degrees. Over the years my immune system got better and I hardly ever got sick. I suppose that my immune system has been a bit preoccupied lately with my kidney and anywhere else this beast is lurking.
Lest I jinx myself by saying this, but the pressure under my right rib cage doesn't seem to feel as bad this morning. Of course, I have my flank pain to keep me company and remind me that I am not invincible. I am used to low grade brief fevers or chills with this kidney cancer - but the fever and chills I get with this bug that I have picked up are really kicking my butt. But, I will press on and keep blogging - I have to stay awake long enough to feed Shannon breakfast.
In my pursuit for more music for my MP3 player - I have been venturing outside the box a bit. I am testing out some of the new country songs and snagging some of the older ones too. Pretty uncharacteristic for me. The only country I ever really liked before were older Garth Brooks hits, Shania Twain hits from the 90's and a variety of Alan Jackson hits. I am discovering some good talent in country music - at least I think they are country songs. Chris Daughtry has a nice song about 'Coming Home' and Carrie Underwood has a good one in 'Before He Cheats' - that one would have come in real handy back during my first marriage :)
I have found myself perusing some of John Denver's hits - I like Rocky Mountain High. The beginning lyrics speak volumes to me:
In some ways I feel as though I was re-born in the autumn of my 37th year, when my cancer was diagnosed. While I don't consider the cancer experience to be 'home' - it is a place I have never been before - and it has changed my life forever. To say that I was born again through this is to say that I no longer take my life for granted - the aspects of my life - the people in my life. Though many days I do fear what will happen as time passes - this cancer has opened many doors. I tend to rant more about the doors that I haven't been able to open. Because of my kidney cancer experience I am keenly aware of my own mortality - and I now have the gift of being aware of my time here. I may not know exactly how many months or years I have with my family and friends - how much time I have left to enjoy all of the gifts that God has given all of us - whether it be the simple things of nature such as the trees, foliage or wildlife. I try everyday to enjoy that which I see - the birds at our feeder, the deer that leap through the pasture next door or the stars that come out at night. I try to soak everything in - no longer taking it all for granted.
As I have said, each song seems to evoke some type of a memory for me - or at least speaks to me in some way that I can relate to. I guess I find my comfort and a certain release in music. Music tends to be my biggest stress reliever. Just put my headphones on me and give me my keyboard and my troubles feel like they are melting away. Perhaps that is why the tone of my blog can change from day to day - it really does depend on what I am listening to. When listening to more upbeat songs I tend to be more cheery or even sarcastic - but with the slower songs I probably come off more depressing. What's worse yet are the days that I shuffle my music and am writing to both upbeat and depressing songs - good luck trying to read my mood then :)