I went in to see my Oncologist this past Tuesday, September 28th to get the results of my CT scan and for another Oxaliplatin chemo infusion. As I had been experiencing unusual pain in my neck and felt a bit more fatigued than usual, I expected that the results would not be good. They weren't. The tumors that existed in my lungs are still there, some have grown larger AND I have 3 additional tumors . . . one in my neck, two in my abdomen.
My Oncologist took me off of the Oxaliplatin infusion treatments (which I've been having once a month for the past 9 months) as, apparently, they are no longer working. I'm tickled pink to be off that nasty stuff as the side effects were horrid. Beginning this coming Tuesday, I'm to go on another type of chemo called Abraxane. Doc says it's normally used for breast cancer but recent studies have proven it to be effective in the fight against pancreatic cancer as well. I sure hope so! Because of the fact that I've been on three different chemos now and this disease is still rearing it's ugly, demonic head...I'm losing hope. I'm glad, however, that my Oncologist hasn't given up!
As the pain in my neck gets worse each day; feeling like a knife stabbing into my neck with pain radiating up into my jaw and down into my lungs, I'm eager to begin this new chemo treatment. I'm also having problems with my larnyx as I sound very hoarse when I speak and it hurts in that area as well. At the time of my visit, my Oncologist didn't know what was causing that problem. I'm wondering if the neck tumor is pressing on my larnyx. Anyway...it hurts.
My Oncologist says that if the chemo doesn't work in shrinking the tumors, I'll have to have the one on my neck radiated. So...does that mean the other tumors will be left to grow? I have a feeling the answer is "yes". I don't want to reach this point! Dammit!
So, as I come to terms with the fact that this disease is progressing quicker now, I worry that I won't be around in a year's time. No fair! I have a lot I want to do! My children are taking this very hard. It is more difficult to watch my children suffer emotionally than it is for me to endure the physical pain from this disease. My brother and sister are worried sick, as well. I've always been the "hub" of my family since our Mother passed away in 1970. If my husband is stressed, he is not showing it. I continue to hear him say, "You're going to be just fine...you're going to live another 20 years". He's either in denial or he's hiding his concern in order to give me hope and support . . . but he's ALWAYS by my side with all I go through. Everyone handles their stress differently. I love my family SO much!
On a positive note . . . I'm hoping the new chemo does a great job and gets rid of the tumors! I have so many wonderful people praying for me and I appreciate every one. I'm working on a new afghan for Berlyn (my middle grand daughter) and still filling candle and soap orders. I'll be doing things as long as I possibly can! Aroma Fields Candles & Bath ~Marilyn's Silly Website~