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Little to No Side Effects...at 3 AM!

Posted Feb 03 2009 1:22am
I am amazed. I feel really great right now. It's fascinating how these side effects can come and go so fast. And emotionally, I feel very strong right now. Last night Daniela and I watched the movie Deep Impact. There's a few scenes in the film where parents are saying goodbye to their spouses and babies and...yeah, I'm crying and then of course imagining having to say goodbye to Beau as a result of the cancer. Now don't worry. It was a good thing.

When I first thought about watching the film, something in me said, "Watch it." My next thought was "I don't need to see people dying and saying goodbye to their loved ones because they know they're going to die." However, I pay a lot of attention to my initial thoughts and watching the movie provided me something pretty sweet. I was left with how clear I am that I will not be saying goodbye to anyone any time soon - at least not as a result of my going anywhere. I don't have a concern about whether I will live a long life. This cancer is only a big old "bump in the road" - and then add a car with pitiful suspension! Oddly, it was nice to be reminded of my own confidence.

I began this entry at 11:30 this morning. I didn't post it when I was done because the chemo side effects got bad. Again, it's fascinating how they come and go. I felt really lousy in the late morning/early afternoon and then I took a nap from 2 PM until 6:30 this evening. That is one of the reasons I am up right now - it's 2:49 AM and I'm wide awake. The other reason is that the side effects seem to go away late at night - they're almost nonexistent right now and I have a hard time going to sleep when I'm finally feeling well. Yet, since it's almost 3 AM, I'm going to open up my book and hope that my eyes get tired so I can fall asleep. Tired or not, it's near 3 AM and it just doesn't feel right to be awake this late when my family is going to be awake not too many hours from now. Not to mention, I can only watch Sports Center so many times...
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