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I hate Typepad. (Formerly known as "I may not two-step, but my ass looks great in these jeans."

Posted Sep 07 2008 8:10pm

Bastard keeps eating my posts. I had a great post about dancing at a country club, almost killing an old man, rocking out with my friend from back home who is also here, and who was wearing a kitten t-shirt! And eating 2 pounds of seafood while my family watched in horror, the combined sulkiness of my mother and older sister (who has been asked to move out -- finally! -- at 28 years of age, and who is mad that my papa will not be helping her out financially), the Petite Soeur's friend who, when picking us up, said "Omigod, you're gorgeous!" (to which I responded, "Omigod! I love you!"), the boy who danced one dance with me, then kissed me on the cheek saying "Alright then, you have a good night darlin'." (Apparently he didn't like having his feet stepped on), and oh, a hundred other things, but TypePad ate it, and now I have to truncate it. I am sure you are all questioning whether I actually write these posts, or merely claim to write them, but I promise, they did exist. Briefly.

So the good part of the post, the part that was most important for today. (I'll add in links later).

You are familiar with my friend Rae. We have been internet friends for, oh, ever, and I get amazing emails from her all the time. Go ahead, be jealous. I know I keep giving you reasons to be.

Anyway, I have mentioned Rae to a few of my real-life friends. I met a good friend yesterday, one who is going to nursing school, and I mentioned some of the crappy things which have happened to Rae recently, and then some of the truly amazing things, like remission, that have also happened. My friend (some of you may remember her as the one who told me I developed ovarian cancer because I was uncomfortable with my femininity ) said sagely It makes sense that she is healing now. She must have dealt with her issues; her spirit is mended, so now her body can heal. I didn't say anything, just changed the subject, but I wish I had said something. This is what I should have said:

Just because you have had issues since age 11, doesn't mean that others have issues or that it affects them negatively. Have you any idea how insensitive it is to suggest that someone becomes ill or well based on how they deal with issues in their lives? I did nothing to cause my cancer. I wasn't untrue to myself, or bottling up anger, or being someone I didn't feel I was. I didn't have unexpressed hostility to my mother/sister/father/neighbour/grade 6 teacher/mailman/etc. Rae has not spent over a year and a half on chemo because there was some spiritual tear she had to mend. Being sick is not our fault. You sit here, acting as though you are so wise, that you know the wisdom of illness, and how it allows people to grow. Well BULLSHIT. How can you tell me that it is my fault that I got sick, that it was Rae's fault that it took her so long to get better? We weren't sitting in alleys shooting up heroin. We weren't out there playing chicken in cars. When you develop an old woman's cancer at a young age, a cancer which takes away most of the things you take for granted, and when you see how shitty and random it is, and how people die from this disease when they are doing EVERYTHING RIGHT, then you come back and tell me our bodies only healed once we sorted out the twisted twisted mass of our souls. Because they had to be fucking ugly for us to have to go through the things we went through.

Whatever. I'm pissed off, but she has always been like that. I won't stop being her friend, but there are some things I don't respect her for (and have talked to her about these things in the past; she is obstinate however, and refuses to see that perhaps she is wrong).

**********

I have to apologize for not commenting on anyone's pages these days -- I'm trying to be clandestine in my activities.

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